Hello, Leif.

Who are you?

Sluggo. Nice to meet you.

What am I doing here, Sluggo?

My boss wants to meet with you.

Who’s that?

Right this way.

... Is there an organism somewhere inside all that metal?

Nope. I’m 100% bot.

I’m judging by your size that your main function is to just be big.

Pretty much. BTG-56 model. A Thugbot.

I don’t imagine something called a Thugbot is given many cognitive freedoms.

We get a little leeway.

Really?

For example, my operator told me to tolerate a little bit of chit chat, but to then make sure and get your ass to this meeting. So, let’s move.

What am I doing here and who am I meeting with? And where are my friends?

How about we get you to this meeting and you can ask all the questions you want then?

Fine.

Oh, and I’ve heard talk of your tech work up close, so keep your distance or I’ll have to engage my primary function of beating things to a pulp.

Got it.

Right this way.

So, I’m on Gilese.

Yes. Did you think you ended up in some other casino that you stole millions from? This way...

Am I supposed to be impressed with this? Intimidated by this? I’m confused.

Maybe both?

So, I’ve never seen your model of Thugbot before.

Funny you should say that. I am not actually a thugbot. I am a modded and repurposed kitchen prep bot.

Why do that? Why not just get a Thugbot?

My operator appreciated my vast assortment of knives.

I see.

Thugbots are great but they are a bit on the slow side. A modified kitchen bot like myself is faster and very useful if the operator would like for someone to be... ventilated.

Great... Any chance you’re going to tell me where Leif and Dez are?

Nope.

Verge.

Thank fuck. Are you okay?

I’m fine are you okay?

I’m being held captive by Dr. Ginsu over here.

Hello.

Have you seen Dez?

No, it’s just me in here.

I hope he’s alright.

Good evening, I will be your waiter. Would you like an aperitif?

What?

Due to the presence of an Earthling, our dinner this evening will be a traditional 5 course meal. Before the meal we begin with aperitifs. Would you like an aperitif?

What the fuck is happening?

Nothing for us, thanks.

Very well.

So, is this who I think it is? What was their name?

Låfftrax.

And how reasonable would you say this Låfftrax is?

When I describe someone as the most notorious space pirate in the history of the Triad, does the word “reasonable” sound right to you?

No.

We’re fucked right now. You realize that, right?

Don’t panic.

Oh, okay.

Hey, kids. How are we all doing this evening? Allow me to welcome you to The Kingpin! The Triad’s premier destination for gambling and special events. Of course you’ve been here before, as we both know, but let me really roll out the red carpet this time.

You must be Låfftrax.

That’s not Låfftrax.

That’s adorable. He doesn’t know anything does he?

He really doesn’t.

Must be nice, right? As a Vapian, I mean. None of that preloaded cultural garbage. Didn’t have a worried mother telling him to stay away from Vapians.

The thing with him is, the warning just would’ve made it hotter. So, I’m also a little disappointed.

Oh, so you two are... I see. That’s sweet. You’re like, who are those two Earthlings? They went on a crime spree across America robbing banks?

Bonnie and Clyde.

You’re like Bonnie and Clyde. Didn’t end well for them either did it?

Where’s Dez?

Ah. Not to worry. Your Truskan friend is fine. Untouchable, really. Turns out he’s the son of a very influential member of the Truskan Shipbuilder’s Union. We may be a powerful organization but we are not getting on the bad side of Trusk. You do that and your ships suddenly start falling apart going through a warp gate. I booked him a private cruiser back home. He’ll be fine.

Good.

You two however... You two... What am I going to do with you two?

Could we maybe get an introduction?

Oh my. Where are my manners? My name is Minsky. I’m a representative of my client’s organization. I represent them in all things for this meeting. My client runs a very successful organization and asks that I represent them in various matters that don’t require their personal touch.

You’re a lawyer.

That would be the Earthling way of putting it, yes.

We present to you our first course. A Talleggio cheese and mission fig tartine. Please enjoy.

Please, enjoy. Very hard to get mission figs out here.

We’re not very hungry as I’m sure you can imagine.

Well, that’s about perspective, isn’t it? You may not be hungry if you’re preoccupied with how you’re going to get out of the particular predicament you find yourself in. But you see, if this was the last meal you were ever going to have, I think you’d want to enjoy these final moments wouldn’t you?

...

...

Just to give you a cheat sheet, I’ve done this particular five course meal before. It’s in the appetizer course where my dining companion assures me they can get us our money back. And then it’s four more courses as they slowly realize...

That it’s not about the money.

No. No it’s not. Its never about the money. Money is everywhere. The money that you stole from us, we’ll make it back by the end of business today. The money isn’t the point. It’s about the message, Leif. What’s the message we’re sending if we were to just let you steal from us? You see, we’re at a very crucial time in our organization. We’re making a big push across the system right now. People are wondering if we can pull it off. Can we really control it all, can we run the table? That’s what everyone’s asking right now. You answer that question a million times in a million ways. And hunting down a microscopic organization like yours because they stole an amount of money from us that is really just a rounding error? That is one of the many ways that we say to The Triad: yes. Yes we can and will run the whole table... Not a fan of figs? Mater-D, let’s move on to the next course, please?

For our second course we present Moules Noix de Coco. Steamed mussels within White Wine, Fennel, and Coconut Cream Broth served with Garlic Confit Crusty Baguette. Please enjoy.

Mussels. Mussels remind me of home. See, I was born on a ruined planet. Mussels were a big part of our diet, because they were the only thing that could survive in our oceans... You make yourself a lot of promises when you come from humble beginnings. Lots of “deals with the devil,” as an Earthling would say. You also swear a lot of things to yourself. Things like: I will never eat fucking mussels again for as long as I live.

Take this away.

Can we skip to the end of this please?

Ah. I see. The tough guy approach. You see that death is inevitable so you grab hold of the only thing left that you can control: how that death happens. I’m afraid you won’t be granted that, Leif. I’m putting on this dinner, not you.

We can get you your money back and then some.

Leif, I just did a whole thing about how the money is irrelevant.

Well if there’s anything else you need from us, other than for us to be dead, I’d like to know about it, please.

Good. Negotiation. This is really where I excel. I’m a deal maker, Leif. This strong arm routine is really just a byproduct of doing business. So many necessary evils. You’d like to know if there’s something you can get me that someone else can’t.

Yes.

In short: no. Which is not to say I don’t enjoy your existence, Leif. There’s a side show aspect to it that I love. Come one come all, see the living, breathing Earthling. That’s fun. But we’re not running a circus. I mean, I’m lying, we actually do run a circus outside of Cygnus, but you understand the analogy. You have nothing that you can offer our organization, Leif. Like the money you stole, you’re a rounding error...

...

This is always a fun moment. You’re a proud person, I can tell. And you’ve reached the moment where you are debating wether or not to begin begging for your life.

Cour de salade. Mixed greens with Persimmon, Green Beans es pomme dressed in a Walnut Sherry Wine Vinaigrette topped with shaved Fromage de Comté. Enjoy.

Lovely. Have some greens, they’re good for you. I appreciate the offer, Leif. I appreciate you trying to make things right in earnest. But we want for very few things in this organization. Our wish list is very small. Do you know what a walrus is?

Sure.

Well, the other day some strange group brought a walrus, from Earth, to the halls of the High King of Wilsonite. So, we’d like to know a little bit more about whatever the heck was going on there. That’s on the list. What else?... Ah! Right now, somewhere out there in the system is a very creative hacker. Whoever they are, they’ve made inroads into the Ted Empire’s network like no one has before, and no one knows who they are. The only thing we know is their username: Death The Kid. Getting our hands on that hacker, that’s definitely on the list. But you, no, there’s nothing that you can help me out with... nothing you can help me out with.

Fuck.

Your friend on the other hand. Well that’s a different story.

What do you mean?

Leif, your little partner in crime is worth far more than any of the money you stole from us, you realize that don’t you?

I don’t.

Vapians. They’re incredibly valuable. In the arenas we work in, you’re always doing business with Vapians. You can’t avoid it. Vapians have underworld networks far more vast than ours and they have no allegiances except to themselves. They can get you anything you need at any time, they are very dangerous in a firefight and they are almost impossible to catch. And now I’ve got one. There’s no criminal outfit out there that has a Vapian working for them. This is a big moment for our organization. I’m glad you’re here to see it, Lief.

There’s just no way Verge is going to work for you, you must know that.

Well, hang on now, I haven’t given you the full pitch. See, a lot of people see our organization as the same messy, chaotic space pirates of the past, but we really plan on changing the piracy game. Bring up the screen.

What happens when I say the word “piracy” to you? What do you think? Chaotic raiders creating pandemonium across an entire system? Maybe. But what if it wasn’t just that? What if, when I say the word “piracy” to you, you had other words come to mind? Words like “freedom”, “ enterpirse”, “innovation”. That’s Låfftrax’s goal. We aim to change the game. To go from Piracy to Primacy™. As you can see on the map behind me, Låfftrax now controls 43 percent of the crime in the triad. The Milky Way is ours and now we’re moving into Andromeda. Nobody said we could control the Milky Way. We proved them wrong and we plan to do the same with Andromeda and then Triangulum.

Emperor Bug Bug tried this before.

And Emperor Bug Bug is a true inspiration to today’s pirate, but, due respect, Bug Bug did not have the vision that Låfftrax has today. Bug Bug wasn’t just a pirate, he was a king. He had a throne, a castle, a planet. He was an easy guy to find. So when the Ted Empire began to sweep across the Triad, they knew exactly where to find their greatest threat. Our organization doesn’t have that problem.

Why doesn’t your organization have that problem?

I’m glad you asked, Leif. To defeat the beast you must cut off it’s head. And our head, cannot be found. Because of this...

...What is that?

As a young pirate Låfftrax made a shocking discovery in a remote star system on the edge of the Milky Way. This is, of course, an artists rendering, we won’t allow the real one to be photographed. What’s that look like to you, Leif?

A... brain.

That’s right.

It’s black.

It’s black and entirely made if glass.

It’s the size of a moon.

A moon-sized, brain-shaped hunk of black glass orbiting a distant neutron star, barely visible to the naked eye and undetectable to long range scanners. The perfect place for a pirate’s hideout... We call it The Galaxy Brain.

That’s fascinating.

You remember you’re about to be killed, right?

We have no idea what it is or where it came from. But we do know that it’s ours. This is the seat of a new empire, Verge. And you could be a part of it all.

It’s weird that you’re giving us a sales pitch for something you’re forcing on us. Despite all this, I’m sure the answer is still no.

Funny you said that, Leif, while Verge over there has been very silent. You’re probably thinking that Verge would rather die than work for someone like me, and you’re right, they would rather die. But they won’t. What is it you say, Verge? How do Vapians say hello and goodbye to each other?

... Vapus Vella.

Vapus Vella. “ Vapus Lives.” Every Vapian sticks to one idea and one idea only: Survive. They were nearly wiped out in the Vapian Collapse and they are very slow to reproduce. So they say “Survival at all costs.” Even if survival is a nightmare... You’re going to love working for us, Verge. I’m sure eventually you’ll forgive us for killing Leif. Or maybe you won’t. It doesn’t matter. Because even if you don’t, you’ll still be working for us. Let’s move this along shall we? Next course.

Leif, you’ve got this look on your face. Wracking your brain to see if there’s anything up your sleeve. There’s nothing up your sleeve.

Our entree this evening: Pan Seared Duck Breast with a Pomegranate Vin Rouge Sauce, Butternut Squash with Sage-Infused Brown Butter, Roasted Brussels Sprouts and Pumpkin Seeds tossed in a Red Wine Vinegar de Miel Gastrique. Enjooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyzzzzzzzzzvzvvvzvz-

What the hell?

It’s actually in my boot heel.

(Over the loudspeaker.) Attention Leif. That was a fun little show you put on back there. It’s okay, I hated that waiter anyway. So judgmental, no matter what I ordered. Anyway, so here we are, you’re on the run in the casino. How do we see this ending, Leif? I’ve got all the exits covered, The docking bay is in lock down. Where are we going with this?

What was that back there?

Microwave drill. It melts down minor electronic circuits, it wasn’t working on the big ones but it worked on the waiter-bot.

Thank you for being a genius, but what do we do now?

I don’t know. We made it out of that room but we’re still trapped in the casino.

We can’t go back to Nancy, they’re going to be watching.

I know. Hang on this looks like a mainframe room.

I really thought we were fucked back there.

We still may be.

Come on.

Okay, this looks like something I can work with.

What are you going to do?

I don’t know yet. You can see the docking bay from the hallway right?

Yeah.

Okay, go see if there’s anything out there we can steal, something small enough to slip through a barricade.

Okay.

Leif... Leif, come on we can talk about this. I mean, I’m still going to kill you but now I’m going to have to torture you AND kill you. Nobody wants that. Come on, press the button on the nearest panel and lets talk about this... Come on... Don’t be a sourpuss.

Hi there.

Leif. What are you doing? You’re just making a mess now.

You excel at negotiation, that’s what you said.

I really do, Leif. I’m a humble person but I can safely say that about myself.

I’d like to propose a deal.

Hmm, I like where your head’s at but you’re not in the strongest position right now. All the exits are blocked, the docking port is locked down. You currently have nothing to offer me that I can’t just take.

Verge is that valuable to you, huh?

Oh yes, Leif. A Vapian in our organization would be a big get for us.

Let’s tease that out for a minute.

Sure, sure, I’m listening.

Verge excels at getting things for people, great at smuggling, very clandestine.

All of those things, yes.

Do you have trouble getting things? Are there things you need that you can’t get?

No, I wouldn’t say that.

You’re a large organization, a lot of resources. Surely you can get anything that a Vapian would be able to get for you.

Well...

You’re able to do all the things that a Vapian would do, why do you need a Vapian?

I hear that. I do. Certainly having a Vapian in our organization wouldn’t be a transformational moment for us.

So having a Vapian would be more of a symbolic victory.

In a certain sense, yes, but let’s not discard symbols, Leif, they’re not without their value.

There’s no doubt about it. It’s a feather in your cap, though. It’s not a new cap all together.

True, but it’s an important feather and Låfftrax does love feathers.

And since we’ve established that, can we go back to your wish list?

Where are we going with this, Leif?

Stay with me. On your wish list was a Vapian, some sort of weird thing about a walrus, and then there was the hacker.

Yes. Death the Kid. That’s a big one.

You were telling me this mysterious hacker can, unlike Verge, do things that you currently can’t do.

This is true.

A more transformational acquisition.

Oh, absolutely. I think we could really take things to the next level if we were able to screw with The Teds systems like this hacker seems to be able to do... Why are we talking about this?

I can give you the hacker.

... Say more.

I’m saying I can give you something more valuable than Verge.

Hmmmm. Leif this just sounds like stalling to me, how do you expect me to believe you can deliver Death the Kid to us?

Because I am Death The Kid.

... Get the fuck out of here.

It’s true.

The notorious hacker that is currently carving up the Ted Empire’s network... Is an Earthling?

Genius always comes from the unlikeliest of places doesn’t it?

Leif, you’re stalling.

I’m not.

Well I can’t just take your word for it, Leif, that’s not how this works.

In ten seconds everyone on the casino floor is going to hit the jackpot.

Everyone?

Everyone.

That can’t be done, Leif.

... Interesting.

You know what I have a problem with? Commitment. I don’t mean that in the usual way, I’m not scared of relationships or some sort of simplistic romantic cliche... I have a problem with being one thing. Picking a lane... I know Earth is a backwater caveman convention but as it turns out, I was one of the smartest guys living there. So smart that I invented something that would change everything. At the bottom of an abandoned gold mine I performed a miracle. I pulled energy out of nothing. Like a magic trick. A thirty million dollar magic trick. The first time my team saw all the lights come up on the energy register they all cheered, lost their minds. We had just changed the world... In that moment of monumental change, all I remember is fear. It was terrifying for me because I suddenly realized: “Oh no. I’m going to have to be the unlimited energy guy for the rest of my life.” I would have to make speeches and inspire people and have books written about me. What if I didn’t want to be that guy? What if I just wanted to make something cool and then move on? ... Luckily the Teds came along and offered us all a deal. So then I went from the unlimited energy guy to the galactic drifter guy. Sailing the stars, not a care in the world. A state of bliss... It’s funny isn’t it? In your happiest state you can still hear another voice. A voice in your head pulling you somewhere else. This voice was saying: “The Teds. They bought and sold you. You hate that, don’t you? You really want to do something about that, don’t you?” So, on long flights, while Verge was asleep, I would tap into their systems and start looking for the loose threads. You’d be surprised, the things I found in there... Let Verge go and you can have me.

... Interesting... Let’s keep talking.

Sure.

Let’s say you’re not fucking with me.

I’m not fucking with you.

Let’s say I believe you.

You should believe me.

I let Verge go, and I get you.

That’s what I’m proposing, yes.

You, who are, allegedly, Death the Kid.

That’s right.

I don’t know, Leif, the jackpots all at once are impressive but I need a little more.

In three minutes another jackpot is going to hit on the casino floor unless I stop it. If this one hits, they will keep coming every 90 seconds until the casino runs out of money. Then it will access the networks of your other casinos and will start the process on their casino floors as well. This process will continue until every one of your casinos has given away all it’s money.

... Interesting... Leif, come on. What am I thinking right now?

You’re thinking I have a Vapian AND Death the Kid under my roof, why don’t I grab them both?

That is what I’m thinking.

Because in three minutes not even I can stop the jackpots from happening. It’ll keep going until it drains the entire casino system. So you could try and catch us both but it’s going to cost you a lot of money.

Maybe I think you’re worth it, Leif.

I’m already giving myself up. Is Verge worth it?

... Interesting.

Three minutes is not a long time, by the way.

Classic move, putting a clock on it... You should know what you’re getting yourself into Leif.

Should I?

You come work for us, that’s it. It’s the last job you’ll ever take. We’ll own you.

... I know.

You’re doing all this to save a person you’ll never see again. If I let Verge go, they’ll need to disappear, Leif. I can’t have someone who escaped us showing their face in the usual haunts.

You’re running out of time.

... I can’t let Verge go outright, but I can give them a head start.

How long?

Sunrise.

That’ll work... Do we have a deal?

... We have a deal. Shut down the fire sale on the casino floor, please.

It’s shutdown.

This is coming to you rather easily, Leif. I was expecting more hand-wringing about leaving your paramour behind.

... Your hideout, The Galaxy Brain? I know where it came from.

Is that right?

There’s a volcano on Earth called Vesuvius. About two thousand years ago it erupted and instantly killed everyone in the nearby city. They find some pretty amazing things in the ruins. One thing they found was brain matter. You wouldn’t think brains could survive a volcanic blast, but they were preserved by a process called vitrification. Their skulls acted like a microwave, instantly superheating their brains and turning them into black glass. That hideout of yours is orbiting a neutron star, which means at one point it was a star that went supernova... Millions of years ago, there was an organism orbiting that star. An organism the size of a moon. The supernova obliterated its body and left its massive, vitrified brain behind. Your “Galaxy Brain” is literally a brain.

That’s a fascinating theory. What does that have to do with you joining our ranks, Leif?

... I have to see it.

Oh, I see. You’ve been nudged a bit by the void, have you? The wine-dark sea calls you away.

... Sure. I suppose.

Okay... Well this has been a pleasure. Do me a favor and steal a ship, would you? I don’t want it looking like I let you go.

Sure.

Ow! Bastard!

How’s it coming?

I’ve almost got it.

Hey, Verge!

Oh, shit!

Hey there.

You picked an awful nice ship to steal.

...Fuck.

I was impressed by the effort, weren’t you two?

We really were.

I was rooting for you.

Look, I promise I will willingly come work for you if you just let him go.

You kids, you’re killing me. Don’t make me believe in love! Verge, not to worry. Everything’s going to be fine.

What is he talking about?

I uh...

Leif?

I made a deal.

What are you talking about?

Remember how you told me to stop poking around in the Ted network?

Yes.

Well, I didn’t.

Leif.

That hacker he’s looking for, Death the Kid. It’s me. I’ve been raiding their network while you were asleep.

... Wait.

Yeah, I’m going to rip off the band-aid, Leif works for us now, he swapped himself for you. He now works for us forever, and you’re free to go. Oh, also, you are technically “escaping” right now so that I don’t get thrown in the meat grinder for letting you go. Also, because you’re “escaping”, if we ever see you again we kill you. I don’t know where you Vapians hide when you go to ground, but I’d go there. For a very, very long time. So, yes, let’s let it all sink in: this is the last time you’re going to see Leif... I’m sorry, am I being unceremonious about this?

Give us a second please...

... What did you do?

Went for the option where we both live.

We were about to escape.

No, we weren’t. We were going to get shot down as soon as we tried to leave.

You don’t know that.

I do. And so do you... It was the end of the line, we had to jump tracks.

It can’t end this way.

It was about to end in a much worse way.

Why didn’t you say anything about this plan?

What would you have said?

... I can’t believe this is happening.

Verge... we’re criminals. The odds of this happening were actually pretty high.

Don’t make jokes right now please.

I’m sorry, I guess I’m just happy I’m not going to die and you’re not going to be a slave.

Tick-tock, Leif.

... Did you want this to happen?

We were screwed, Verge.

We’ve been screwed before and managed to to unscrew ourselves.

Are you pissed at me for saving both of us?

...

You’ve got until sunrise to get somewhere they can’t find you.

Meet me.

Where?

Where we first met.

They’re going to be watching me.

Figure it out. One Earth week.

Okay. Okay, I’ll meet you there. Just go!

... Hey Minsky.

Yeah?

If I ever see you again, I’m going to kill you.

Okay, see you then.

I’ve always felt that “The One Who Got Away” is an important force in any sentient being’s life, don’t you agree?

I guess I’ll find out.

So, you’re welcome.

What happens now?

Now we begin the onboarding process.

Which entails?

Well, it’s interesting, Leif. You know I’ve worked for a lot of people in this particular sector of the economy, and I have to say, Låfftrax is really an innovator in terms of personnel management.

What?

As I said before, this is the last job you’ll ever have. Before you officially start with us, Låffrrax wants you to take some time.

Take some time?

That’s right. See some old friends, some family. Say some goodbyes if you need to.

Seriously?

Sure. It’s important. Touch base with the old life before you start the new.

What’s to stop me from running?

Nothing at all. Låfftrax says it’s a great way to eliminate idiots from your organization. Because only idiots try to run... I’ll send you some information. Be at a particular dock at a particular station at a particular time. Follow the instructions, your old life ends and a new one begins. Don’t follow the instructions and your life just ends. It’s going to be a pleasure working with you, Leif.