Weclome to the Horizon
Season 2, Part 5: The True Trans Traveler
We begin at the sheep’s eye. Steve is telling his story.
Steve:
There’s a whole other city under that city. People from all over the place, their kids. There are these huge caves under the city. They run for miles, looks like.
Eldin:
The indigenous people of Rax Prime are subterranean. They think it stems from a period in their history when there were frequent meteor strikes on the surface. There’s not many of them left now, but they left behind a complicated network under Raxius.
Verge:
Any idea how many, Steve?
Steve:
I don’t know.
Frank:
A hundred? A few hundred?
Steve:
A few thousand, I think.
Deidre:
Jesus.
Doug:
That’s more than we have in town.
Celeste:
They’re all enslaved?
Steve:
I mean, you can call it what you want. He gave me a tour of the whole camp. He said that people come there for all sorts of reasons. Looking for a better life, on the run from fascist governments, on the run from a collapsed society. They come there thinking it’s a way out, but then they get trapped there.
Deidre:
How do they get trapped there?
Eldin:
It’s certainly not a new idea. They come there and pay a price to gain shelter, they incur a debt. They’re then told they have to work to pay off the debt. With the ridiculously high price and accruing interest, there’s no possible way to pay it off.
Celeste:
And the work they do?
Eldin:
Whatever they’re told to do. They don’t have a choice.
Celeste:
Yeah, I’ll call that slavery.
Frank:
And this Minsky guy, he’s able to do this right under the nose of, I don’t know, whatever the powers that be are?
Verge:
Nobody in Raxius is going to care about something like this, it’s kill or be killed there.
Frank:
Steve...
Steve:
Frank, listen-
Frank:
Steve can you tell me what the fuck you were thinking?
Eldin:
Frank-
Frank:
No, I understand that this was traumatic, okay? But when are we all going to get it though our heads that we’re in a dangerous place here? What were you thinking?
Deidre:
Frank, in his defense, the danger hasn’t been that apparent.
Frank:
Are you kidding me? You were almost abducted.
Deidre:
Aside from that, yes.
Eldin:
Frank.
Frank:
I had to ride a space ship into orbit to save Verge.
Verge:
I did have that handled, by the way.
Frank:
Please don’t remind me that I rode a spaceship for no reason.
Verge:
Sorry.
Deidre:
But we’re warned about dangerous guys like Slabz Mc Terpz but then Celeste starts dating him.
Doug:
She did what?
Celeste:
Can we not make that a part of public conversation, please?
Leif:
Look, this is the thing with The Triad. You can make fun of it for a while, because the behavior is so idiotic. But then something like this happens and it gets unfunny real quick.
Verge:
Did you know about this?
Leif:
... Kind of.
Verge:
What do you mean?
Leif:
An operation like this, it was a pipe dream of Minsky’s for a long time, but Låfftrax would never let him do it. Låfftrax was a psychopath, but for whatever reason they drew the line at slavery.
Verge:
But now that Låfftrax is gone...
Leif:
... I guess... I guess I’m okay with it... Irony is, Minsky used to be one of these people. He was a refugee. He’s from a planet called Wren in the Bracken system.
Verge:
Oof.
Leif:
Hell on Earth, that place. Total societal collapse. He had to claw his way out of there when he was just a kid. Then, years later, he looks at the same type of people he used to be and thinks it’s a great business opportunity.
Frank:
I don’t want to get off topic here. Steve, you don’t live in a bubble, okay? I’m sure you think you’re invincible, but you weren’t just putting yourself in danger. You were putting all of us in danger.
Eldin:
Frank-
Frank:
This isn’t a fun little game, Steve, we’re talking about peoples lives.
Eldin:
Frank, shut the fuck up for a minute, please... Last night, Steve and I were working together.
Frank:
What?
Verge:
What?
Eldin:
Last night, Steve was approached by an employee of Minsky’s, though we didn’t know it was his employee at the time. He showered Steve with compliments and told him that his employer would love to meet. Steve found it suspicious, went into the bathroom and consulted me. I agreed that it was suspicious and I encouraged Steve to decline the meeting.
Steve:
Then I thought, “Well, these guys think I’m stupid. Maybe we should take advantage of that.”
Eldin:
Steve then volunteered to take the meeting anyway. He felt that, if someone were trying to take advantage of us, we should probably know who it is.
Steve:
Seemed like a good idea at the time. I wasn’t expecting... I wasn’t expecting all that.
Eldin:
Nor was I, Steve, but it was definitely a successful reconnaissance mission.
Verge:
You sneaky little bitch.
Eldin:
I tell you things when you ask and when you need to know them.
Doug:
Steve... are you okay?
Steve:
... Minsky was treating me like I was, I don’t know, like I would understand. He thought I was like him... I’m not, right?
Deidre:
Steve, or course not.
Steve:
I would never do something like that.
Doug:
We know that, Steve.
Trinkett:
Hey, everyone. Steve just went through something really traumatic, and I think he needs some rest. Also, I think this story has maybe effected us too, and we all need some time to process.
Eldin:
I’m afraid we’re not done, Trinkett.
Frank:
Jesus, what else?
Eldin:
Minsky’s presence here is disquieting to say the least. He’s the definition of cautious and calculating and he wouldn’t be here without good reason. He had signal jammers in place that kept me from tracking Steve’s location, but I was able to record video and audio on Steve’s phone the entire time. I can show you what Steve saw last night, if you’d like.
Frank:
Why would we want to see that?
Steve:
Yeah, I don’t recommend it.
Trinkett:
No... we should.
Frank:
Why?
Trinkett:
Steve saw some very traumatic things last night and he’s bearing that burden alone. I think it would help Steve if we all bore that burden together. Steve being the only one with this experience separates him from us. We all need to be in the same boat. It’s important.
Eldin:
There’s some wisdom to that, I think. Also, you’ll be able to see what Minsky looks like and sounds like. He’s here now, and this won’t be the last we see of him.
Leif:
Let’s do it.
Eldin:
If you’d like to excuse yourself feel free. I’ll send the video to the television above the bar.
Later, outside the sheep’s eye, they begin to file out of the bar. No one says anything.
June:
... Okay... Okay guys, let’s try and keep things as normal as possible okay? Frank and I will go the Horizon. Doug, head across the street, Deidre are you okay to open the doors later?
Deidre:
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.
Eldin:
If we could all remember that while this is difficult information to take in, we are two hours away from a city in which there are a thousand more stories like this. This one just happened to arrive on our doorstep. It won’t be the last one.
Frank:
That’s encouraging, Eldin.
June:
Guys, we’re going to be okay. Just to put things in perspective... It’s not The Thing. It’s not Invasion of the Body Snatchers. It’s not Event Horizon, okay? From a sci-fi perspective we’re still doing fine, right?
Eldin:
Thank you, June.
Frank:
We’re going to be okay guys.
June:
Okay? Readyyyyyy, break!
Trinkett:
Hey, Steve. Do you want to come across the street with me? I don’t think you should be alone.
Steve:
Yeah, that sounds good.
Eldin:
Leif?
Leif:
I’ll be around.
Eldin:
With your phone, please.
Leif:
Yeah, Yeah.
June:
Hey, Sunshine.
Frank:
Hi.
June:
You look like a man who really wants to manage a motel all day.
Frank:
You have no idea how true that is.
Celeste:
Doug.
Doug:
Hey, Celeste.
Celeste:
I think it might be time to access my secret stash.
Doug:
I thought it might be. Follow me.
Back inside the sheep’s eye, Deidre starts to set up for the first shift.
Verge:
Sweetie, are you okay?
Deidre:
Am I... No, I’m not. Did you expect me to be?
Verge:
No.
Deidre:
... I feel a lot of things.
Verge:
I know.
Deidre:
I... Everyone’s got their reasons for living up at the top of a mountain.
Verge:
Okay.
Deidre:
... I take things on a little too much. That’s what Trinkett says anyway. I see someone upset or alone or hurt and... and suddenly it’s my problem. And it’s a problem I can’t really do anything about so I just sit there with someone else’s problem that’s now become my problem, and that happens about nine times a day. By the time the day’s over, I feel overwhelmed and tired. And that’s just on a light day... So I wound up back here on the mountain a lot... I don’t know how you functioned out there. All this time you were out there in a world like this... how did you do it?
Verge:
It helps to never know the other side. If all you know is crime and evil and slavery, you... you start to accept it. “Welcome to the Triad.” That’s what we say. You can’t change it, you may as well get used to it.
Deidre:
I don’t want to be like that.
Verge:
I know.
Deidre:
I don’t want you to be like that.
Verge:
I’m not. Not anymore.
Deidre:
What changed.
Verge:
See, there was this girl and she asked me to dance...
Deidre:
... How am I supposed to do this? I just open the bar now and serve beers to aliens who may be... they could’ve bought some of those people.
Verge:
I know.
Deidre:
What am I supposed to do?
Verge:
We’re going to get them out.
Deidre:
... What?
Verge:
We’re going to get them out.
Eldin:
I beg your pardon.
Verge:
Shh.
Deidre:
How?
Verge:
... I may have an idea.
Deidre:
An idea? Steve said there were thousands of them.
Verge:
Yeah, that does make it a little tricky.
Deidre:
A little tricky.
Verge:
Yeah, less than that would be ideal.
Deidre:
Verge.
Verge:
What?
Deidre:
... Don’t do this.
Verge:
Why?
Deidre:
I don’t want to lose you just because I can’t learn how to live in the world.
Verge:
I’m not.
Deidre:
Yes you are.
Verge:
I feel it, too, okay?... These past few months with you, I... I can’t experience the world the way I used to. I see everything differently. I can’t just survive anymore. I have to... something has to be done.
Deidre:
Verge.
Verge:
And that’s a fucked up feeling, by the way. Empathy? Yuck... But here I am.
Deidre:
This wasn’t what I was asking you to do.
Verge:
I know.
Deidre:
I don’t want you to do this for me.
Verge:
I’m doing it for us. I can’t live our lives together, knowing you saw all those people and we did nothing... Besides, doing things for you was all I had planned for the rest of my life, so...
Deidre:
... What is this plan you’re talking about?
Verge:
Well, it’s a little, shall we say, unconventional. So how about before I tell you the plan, I go argue with Leif about it for a little while and then I’ll be back.
Deidre:
You know, I already think you’re amazing. You don’t have to do this.
Verge:
I know... I’m standing here in the middle of a brand new me. I’m not really sure what I’m capable of. Maybe I want to take this new model out for a spin.
Outside the sheep’s eye, Leif is walking down the road.
Eldin:
If your plan is to get out of earshot, I think you’ve succeeded.
Leif:
Are you kidding me? Minsky? Showing up right now? What are the chances of that? This isn’t a coincidence.
Eldin:
Of course it’s not a coincidence.
Leif:
Maybe we should’ve talked about that in the meeting.
Eldin:
How would that have changed anything? It’s not as though we left with a list of action items. There’s no reason for anyone to be on high alert any more than they already are.
Leif:
... I should get out of here. If I’m a target, then I should leave. If Minsky knows where I am, then I’m a sitting duck.
Eldin:
That may not be entirely true.
Leif:
What do you mean?
Verge:
(In Leif’s phone.) Leif?
Leif:
What?
Verge:
Meet me at my ship. Let’s talk.
We move to the horizon. Frank walks out into the parking lot to see June putting on her hiking boots.
Frank:
What are you doing?
June:
I’m putting on my hiking boots.
Frank:
You haven’t worn those in ten years.
June:
I wear them. I wear them when I’m thinking about taking a hike. And then I decide against it and I put them away for another year or two.
Frank:
You’re thinking about going on a hike?
June:
No. You are. And I’m coming with you.
Frank:
How do you know I’m going on a hike?
June:
Because you have your boots on.
Frank:
I always have my boots on.
June:
You’re thinking about something. And when you’re thinking about something, you always... y’know, go upwards.
Frank:
I don’t need any company.
June:
Frankie, you’re incredibly lucky to have me as a family member, we both know that.
Frank:
I’d like to change a few words in that sentence.
June:
But honestly, lately I’ve been feeling like I’m falling down on the job.
Frank:
You do have a hard time doing jobs.
June:
The aliens, the danger, my hot boyfriend... it’s been very distracting. It’s time for me to get back to my roots, my true calling in this life: helping my poor cousin Frankie act more like a human being and less like some shambling mound hiding in the forest. Even though he may have literally transformed into a shambling mound hiding in the forest. Let’s go.
June starts to walk off.
June:
(About fifty feet away.) Oh my God, I’m already tired.
Back at the shop and go, celeste walks in.
Doug:
Okay, here we go. I keep them in the fridge behind the eggs just for you.
Celeste:
Wow, there they are. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?
Doug:
How long has it been since you’ve had one of these?
Celeste:
It’s been years. They used to be my favorite thing, but then they stopped making them. Then, when I was stationed in Manila, I found a box of them at a corner store. I brought them back to my room, I was so excited, but... I couldn’t bring myself to have one. What if these are the last Philadelphia Cheesecake Snack Bars in the world? So I could never bring myself to eat one.
Doug:
Right, so... Celeste these bars are... old.
Celeste:
Yes.
Doug:
Very old.
Celeste:
They are.
Doug:
A couple of decades old at this point.
Celeste:
I know.
Doug:
And listen, I work at a convenience store. I’m well aware of the wonders of food preservatives. But these are... cheesecake in a bag essentially.
Celeste:
I know. I would never eat one, I just... I like that they’re there for some reason... Have you been to Manila?
Doug:
No.
Celeste:
It’s pure chaos, that city. And I was a very young private and I had to drive a jeep through all of that with the base commander in the back. After a day of that I would go back into the mess hall where they kept my box of Cheesecake snack bars for me. I would just look at them. Never ate one. It was a nice little organized thing in a chaotic world.
Doug:
... We should start to let go of things like this.
Celeste:
I know.
Doug:
No amount of clinging to the past has ever made it stick around.
Celeste:
... I know... How does one do that?
Doug:
I don’t know. I imagine by replacing it with something else.
The front door slides open and trinkett and steve walk in.
Trinkett:
Hey, guys.
Steve:
Hey, y’all.
Doug:
Hey. Steve how’re you doing?
Steve:
I’m okay, I guess.
Trinkett:
What are you guys doing?
Doug:
We were...
Celeste:
Doug was just throwing away some garbage that I had over here.
Doug:
I was.
Celeste:
What are you two up to?
Trinkett:
Well...
Steve:
We were next door and I guess Trinkett was about to make me some tea or something.
Trinkett:
Or something.
Steve:
And probably meditate or something.
Trinkett:
Or something. But then we... well we had a thought.
Celeste:
What was your thought?
Trinkett:
Well... we’ve all decided that the best way forward is to is sit here in the mountains and try and wait this whole thing out until we move on.
Steve:
But then, I said, “Hey. What if we do something instead?”
Celeste:
Okay... do what?
Trinkett:
... How much gas do you have in the Jeep, Celeste?
In the woods. Leif is inside of the Phoenix looking at it’s insides when verge approaches.
Verge:
What the fuck are you doing to my ship?
Leif:
Just having a look around. This is a wild custom job, is this Dez?
Verge:
He did me a favor.
Leif:
It’s insane.
Verge:
I like it.
Leif:
It’s a long range ship with a two person confined cockpit.
Verge:
I know.
Leif:
It doesn’t make any sense.
Verge:
Which is why I like it.
Leif:
But you’ve still got the racing engines, how do you not flame out on long trips?
Verge:
He said it wouldn’t be a problem.
Leif:
Wait a minute... Each engine has it’s own drive core.
Verge:
That must be it.
Leif:
That’s my fucking idea!
Verge:
Of course it is.
Leif:
Thieving-ass Truskans.
Verge:
Leif, get out of there. Let’s talk.
Leif:
Alright.
Verge:
So... Minsky.
Leif:
Yeah.
Verge:
So many fond memories.
Leif:
Sorry. He’s obviously here for me. I told Eldin I should get out of here, but he told me to talk to you.
Verge:
Yes.
Leif:
Why?
Verge:
... Something weird is going on.
Leif:
Of course it is.
Verge:
There’s a bounty on my head.
Leif:
That’s not weird.
Verge:
Yes, but it’s apparently the largest bounty ever placed.
Leif:
How big?
Verge:
Who ever catches me gets a whole system cluster.
Leif:
Jesus.
Verge:
Yeah.
Leif:
All someone has to do is catch you, and they get to run the operation for a whole cluster of systems.
Verge:
Which is easier said than done, but still.
Leif:
Who put the bounty on your head?
Verge:
You did.
Leif:
Aha.
Verge:
Also, I have to be taken alive. If anyone kills me while they’re trying to catch me, they’ll be in deeper shit than I am.
Leif:
Really?
Verge:
I don’t know what I did, but the version of me in this universe has something that you want. And you want it very badly.
Leif:
What is it?
Verge:
No idea.
Leif:
... We don’t know if Minsky is here for you or me.
Verge:
We don’t.
Leif:
Okay... I’m going to be honest, that’s kind of a relief.
Verge:
You’re welcome.
Leif:
But it does complicate things.
Verge:
Yes. Because you can leave to try and take the heat off of us, but... I’m not leaving, Leif.
Leif:
Okay... well, obviously Minsky pulled this whole stunt with Steve to let either you or me know that he’s here.
Verge:
I think so.
Leif:
I guess he’s hoping that will make either you or me make a run for it, and then catch us when we do.
Verge:
Probably.
Leif:
But since we’re not doing that... I guess we hunker down here, wait for his next move?
Verge:
Yeah... What if we didn’t do that?
Leif:
What do you mean?
Verge:
You saw the same footage I did just now.
Leif:
Okay. I hate where this is going.
Verge:
Slaves, Leif?
Leif:
... Shit. Why now, Verge? Why do you have to have a conscience right now?
Verge:
I’ve always had a conscience, Leif. And so have you.
Leif:
But also a much stronger survival instinct, which you seem to have lost. I thought that was a Vapian’s whole thing? Survive no matter what?
Verge:
What if having a conscience is a survival instinct?
Leif:
What?
Verge:
I’m serious.
Leif:
Who died and made you Immanuel Kant?
Verge:
Sitting around saying “Welcome to the Triad” every time someone gets screwed never worked, Leif. Look at where we are. Who the fuck is Immanuel Kant?
Leif:
You know, when I first opened my eyes and saw your face, this is the last conversation I thought we’d be having. Who are you?
Verge:
The last thing Minsky’s going to expect is us getting aggressive.
Leif:
There’s a reason why he won’t be expecting it. It’s stupid.
Verge:
But he still won’t be expecting it.
Leif:
Okay, be clear with me, what are we talking about? You want to stage some daring heist wherein we free thousands of hostages? And do what with them?
Verge:
I don’t have every step of the plan to lay out in front of you, Leif.
Leif:
You have no steps of the plan. You have a feeling, that’s not a plan.
Verge:
I’m telling you what I want.
Leif:
What you want or what Deidre wants?... I’ve picked up on a bit of a problematic moral center with that one. That’s what this is about, right?
Verge:
It’s what we both want.
Leif:
Loving someone doesn’t make you invincible.
Verge:
Yes it fucking does, Leif.
Leif:
So you’re not Immanuel Kant you’re Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Verge:
Stop throwing Earth names at me.
Leif:
I’m not doing this.
Verge:
Leif, do you remember how you used to look at impossible things? You would laugh at them. They were like a challenge to you.
Leif:
So what?
Verge:
Be that guy again. Just for a minute. Come on.
Leif:
Verge... Over here you’ve got that kid that you met all those years ago, and over here you’ve got the guy who just placed a massive bounty on your head, the guy who has no problem with enslaving people... I hate to say it but I’m much closer to the second guy than I am to the first.
Verge:
Leif, that’s not true.
Leif:
I built the cowcatcher.
Verge:
...
Leif:
... I promised you I would never build it, and I built it... I built it, I launched it... It was right before I wound up here... I fired it at Krok’s planet... by my estimation it will arrive about a year before I even get there. The timeline will splinter off, and that Leif will never know the difference... After traveling that far the energy release will be massive... It’ll destroy his entire solar system.
Verge:
... How populated is this solar system?
Leif:
... I don’t know... I know he has an army... could be thousands... could be billions.
Verge:
...
Leif:
... Tell me again about that wide-eyed kid you fell in love with?
Verge:
...
Verge draws their gun and fires.
Leif:
WHOA!
Verge fires three more times.
Leif:
What the fuck!
Verge:
Hold still!
Verge fires again as Leif takes cover.
Leif:
I seem to recall you cackling pretty loudly when I offed an entire tower full of science priests!
Verge:
Yes, and you know what happened after that? I grew the fuck up, Leif!
They fire again.
Leif:
And I guess I didn’t! So excuse my childish action of, y’know, trying to prevent a psychopathic god from controlling the universe!
Verge:
...
Leif:
...
Verge fires several more times into the large tree leif is hiding behind. The huge tree slowly creaks over and falls to the ground.
Leif:
... I can see that you’ve changed... that doesn’t mean everyone else changes with you... it waits around for you, you know?... That person that you’ve tried so hard not to be, they just sit there and wait... usually wait for you to be alone... I’m sorry.
Verge:
... All this time trying to get to know the new you...
Leif:
Nothing new. Just as you left me...
Verge puts their gun away.
Verge:
... I’m going to stop trying to appeal to your moral center now.
Leif:
Fine.
Verge:
Which leaves me with this: you fucking owe me... You’ve been out there for who knows how long, transmitting little messages, telling me to come to Hood’s Pocket. Sounds like a lot of guilt you’re carrying around, Leif.
Leif:
I guess.
Verge:
Then I’ll appeal to that. You owe me. You fucked me over, and you owe me.
Leif:
... Fine.
Verge:
We’re not going to just sit here and let thousands of people get sold into slavery.
Leif:
Fine.
Verge:
So, I hope you’re ready to put that diabolical doomsday-weapon-making mind of yours to work.
Leif:
Verge, I can’t spin straw into gold. There’s no way that I can get thousands of people off of this planet without someone noticing.
Verge:
You don’t need to get them off the planet.
Leif:
You can’t bring them here.
Verge:
We’re not bringing them here either.
Leif:
... no.
Verge:
It’s worth a shot.
Leif:
You can’t be serious.
Verge:
I am serious.
Leif:
Verge, don’t be ridiculous.
Verge:
You’ve heard the stories, I’ve heard the stories.
Leif:
They’re stories!
Verge:
I knew this was going to upset you, but after the first part of our conversation, this feels even better than I was expecting.
Leif:
You’re going to construct this entire plan around a fucking fairy tale?
Verge:
Fairy tale? Oh, come on, Leif. Dream big.
Leif:
I’m not doing this.
Verge:
Hey. As I said before, I’m not appealing to you anymore. I’m calling in a debt. You fucking owe me, and I am collecting.
Leif:
... Fine.
Verge:
It’ll be like when we first met, baby. Just business.
Higher up on the mountain, frank waits for june to catch up. June finally comes up the trail and lays down.
June:
Hiking is terrible.
Frank:
You live on a mountain.
June:
You’re forgetting... I have perfectly crafted... my daily movements... so that I never... have to walk uphill... I’m a masterpiece... of urban planning.
Frank:
Drink some water.
June:
I was supposed to drink water?
Frank:
You were supposed to drink water.
June:
Give me some water.
Frank:
Here.
Frank hands june his water bottle. June drinks some water.
June:
... You really need a squeeze of lemon in there.
Frank:
Uh huh.
June:
Some cucumber slices maybe.
Frank:
June, why are you here?
June:
I’m being supportive!
Frank:
You’re doing great.
June:
... Remember McHadley?
Frank:
I don’t think so.
June:
He was one of those rich guys. Made a bunch of money from some, I don’t know, phone app or something, and decided to be a rich guy on the mountain. Bought a bunch of climbing gear that he didn’t need. Really excited about his new mountain climbing life. He heads up the mountain for the first time with, like, nine ropes hanging off his body... Anyway, three days later we realized that he never came down. He went up the mountain and just stayed there. So I go into the Sheep’s Eye and I’m like, “Guys, we have to go find McHadley, and by ‘we,’ I of course mean someone else.” So Doug heads all the way up there and finds the guy. He was sitting at a little camp fire, eating his last energy bar. I guess he had some sort of weird anxiety attack and couldn’t get back down. Doug said he was like, “I don’t know... the rest of my life is down there.” Weird right?
Frank:
You think I came up here to avoid the rest of my life?
June:
You genius, you’ve decoded my metaphor!
Frank:
That’s not what I’m doing.
June:
Well, what are you doing?
Frank:
I don’t know... taking one last look, I guess.
June:
Before you leap to your death? I don’t mean to be a buzzkill, but I don’t think you can leap to your death anymore. You may have to start from way higher. Do you want to keep climbing up? Try it from there?
Frank:
... My dad was the same way.
June:
What way?
Frank:
He never wanted anything to change.
June:
Oh yeah. For sure. He wore four different flannels and a pair of jeans his entire life.
Frank:
Unless it was a wedding.
June:
Then he wore the suit.
Frank:
The green suit.
June:
And the brown tie.
Frank:
You know what’s in my closet?
June:
Four different flannels.
Frank:
Yeah... It was not my intention to be his carbon copy.
June:
I know, Frankie. There are worse guys to be a carbon copy of. He wasn’t a bad guy.
Frank:
I know... but... there’s a giant salamander in Doug’s back yard, around the mountain is a space dinosaur, Trinkett is talking to mushrooms, Deidre’s in love with a four-armed alien... and I could jump from the top of this mountain and not die... What exactly am I trying to hang onto?
June:
... I don’t know if you noticed, but sometimes I make fun of you for being such a stick in the mud.
Frank:
Really?
June:
It’s true.
Frank:
I hadn’t noticed.
June:
Well, it’s very subtle.
Frank:
Uh huh.
June:
But I never asked you to change, Frankie. I don’t think you should, if you don’t want to. Be this guy. Be this guy all you want. If you don’t want to change... don’t. You just have to accept that everything else does.
Frank:
... I don’t like feeling trapped.
June:
Sure.
Frank:
... I don’t like other people feeling that way either.
June:
Sure.
Frank:
Those people that Steve saw last night... They’re trapped.
June:
Yeah.
Frank:
... I don’t think anyone’s going to do something about that, so...
June:
So.
Frank:
So, I guess we have to.
June:
Oh yeah?
Frank:
... Yeah.
June:
Okay, Frankie... Sounds like they have awakened the Swamp-
Frank:
Absolutely no more Swamp Thing jokes.
June:
... I’ll try. Let’s do this. What do we do first?
Frank:
First we walk back to town.
June:
Ah! Walking downhill, my favorite!
We move to deep in raxius, in the noise of the sci-fi city we start to hear the sound of celeste’s jeep. She pulls into an alley and stops. Celeste, Trinkett, Doug, and Steve get out of the car.
Celeste:
Uh... so, this city is... big.
Doug:
Steve are you sure this is safe for us to be here? I feel... not great.
Steve:
That’s the thing about this place, everyone’s from all over the place, so no one really notices you.
Trinkett:
It’s got a very strange feeling to it. It’s very cold, Steve.
Steve:
You sure you’re up for this?
Trinkett:
Yeah, I mean it’s worth a try, right?
Steve:
If you say so.
Celeste:
Why are we in an alleyway?
Steve:
Apparently this is where we’re supposed to meet her.
Doug:
Who?
Trinkett:
How did you know about this alley?
Steve:
It’s kind of funny. I don’t recognize anything around me right now, but it all kind of works the same as it always does.
Trinkett:
What do you mean?
Steve:
Minsky made a mistake. Never introduce someone to your connect, because if they know your connect, what do they need you for?
We hear the sound of an iron grate in the pavement lifting and sliding to the side. The Real Dirty Fairy emerges from the sewer.
Doug:
Oh my.
Celeste:
What is that?
Trinkett:
Whoa, Steve.
The real dirty fairy looks them up and down.
Real Dirt Fairy:
You again.
Steve:
Dirt Fairy.
Real Dirt Fairy:
I’m not really looking for new customers.
Steve:
It’s a one time thing, I promise I won’t be a nuisance. There’s just no one else who can help us with this particular problem.
Real Dirt Fairy:
What problem is that?
Steve:
We’re trying to get deep under the city. As deep as you can go.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Huh. That’s a new one. Why?
Trinkett:
I need to get to the ground underneath the city. Not asphalt, not sewers, the actual earth that the city is built on. Can you do that for me?
Real Dirt Fairy:
I can, but it’s a bit of a trek. And the smell is really something.
Trinkett:
That’s fine.
Real Dirt Fairy:
What’s this about?
Steve:
Now, Dirty Fairy. Come on. You don’t seem like the type that wants more information than you need.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Okay. How much?
Steve:
How, uh, how much?
Real Dirt Fairy:
I don’t do this out of the kindness of my heart, Steve.
Steve:
Sure, right, sure, one second...
Celeste:
What does she want? Money?
Steve:
Yeah, I didn’t think about that part.
Celeste:
Well, I have twelve Earth dollars. Think that’ll do the trick?
Doug:
I have some alien money that June gave me, but it’s back at the shop and go.
Trinkett:
Maybe I can trade some jewelry?
Real Dirt Fairy:
You guys are from that Earth place, right? Up in the mountains?
Steve:
Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s us. Did the Earthsuits give us away?
Real Dirt Fairy:
... Pringles.
Steve:
... What’s that?
Real Dirt Fairy:
I want Pringles.
Steve:
Oh.
Doug:
Uh, yes. Yes, Pringles. I can do that. We have original, Sour Cream and Onion, and Pepperoni Pizza.
Real Dirt Fairy:
That’s the one. Pepperoni Pizza.
Doug:
Okay.
Real Dirt Fairy:
How do they get a whole slice of pizza in there?
Doug:
It’s a mystery for sure.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Okay... four tubes.
Doug:
Ooh. Four tubes is really going to set me back.
Celeste:
Doug.
Doug:
But that’s fine. Yes that’s fine I can get you four tubes.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Good.
Steve:
We have a deal?
Real Dirt Fairy:
Deal. Follow me. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the smell.
Steve:
Fantastic.
Celeste:
Trinkett, I’m very concerned about this.
Trinkett:
Look. Steve had that whole terrible experience seeing all of those poor people, but he didn’t know where he was, and Eldin couldn’t track him down.When I’m on the mountain I can sense where people are on the mountain. Maybe if I can get my feet in the dirt under this city, I can try and get a sense of where this encampment is.
Celeste:
And if you can find them, what then?
Trinkett:
I think you know what happens then, Celeste. I think we all do.
Celeste:
... Okay.
Doug:
Good luck, Trinkett.
Steve:
You guys stay with the Jeep, I’ll head down there with them.
Trinkett:
How bad is this smell, Steve?
Steve:
Remember the paper mill down in Halsey?
Trinkett:
Oh, god. Yeah.
Steve:
It’s worse.
Trinkett:
Oof.
We move to a distant planet. In the distance we can hear a meteor shower hitting the ground. A communication device begins ringing. Someone emerges from a shack and picks up the comms device
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.) Only the good ones and the dead ones have this number. You better be one of the two.
Verge:
(In comms device.) Can I be both? Hey Whisperdan. Lovely to not hear your voice again.
Whisperdan:
...
Verge:
... Let me know when you’re over the shock.
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.)
I guess I wasted a lot of time telling people you were dead.
Verge:
Not at all. I’m still dead. For all intents and purposes anyway.
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.) I can work with that.
Verge:
Good.
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.) So which is it, getting you into a jam or getting you out of one?
Verge:
A little bit of both, actually.
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.) You know, coming back to life is a good way to get yourself killed.
Verge:
There’s always a million ways to get killed, Dan-dan. I’m just trying to die happy.
Whisperdan:
(Inaudible.) Then I wish you luck in your endeavors... What do you need?
Verge:
Well, it’s wild one... Maybe the wildest I’ve ever asked for...
We move down to the tunnels underneath raxius. Steve stumbles through the darkness with Trinkett and Dirt fairy.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Watch your step, the stone’s going to start to break up. We’re almost there.
Steve:
I can’t see a damn thing.
Trinkett:
So, how did you get to know all these tunnels?
Real Dirt Fairy:
I was born down here. All my people were.
Trinkett:
You’re from here?
Real Dirt Fairy:
One of the last native Raxians. It took them a hundred years to realize they were building a city on top of us. Then when they did realize it, they didn’t care.
Steve:
Ow! God damn.
Trinkett:
Steve, are you okay?
Steve:
How are you not tripping over everything.
Trinkett:
I can see just fine.
Steve:
You... Shit, Trinkett.
Trinkett:
What?
Steve:
Your eyes are glowing.
Trinkett:
They are?
Steve:
Yeah.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Are they not supposed to?
Steve:
No.
Trinkett:
I mean, who knows?
Real Dirt Fairy:
You should probably know because they’re your eyes.
Trinkett:
How much are they glowing? Do I have headlights in my face or something?
Steve:
No, but I can definitely see them. You look like a pair of floating eyes right now.
Trinkett:
That’s crazy.
Steve:
And you can see fine?
Trinkett:
Yeah. I can see you standing right there.
Steve:
Trinkett, your whole situation is just getting weirder and weirder these days.
Trinkett:
It’s out of control. Look at me I’m just a pair of eyes floating around.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Who the fuck are you people?
Trinkett:
We’re mountain folk. We’re a little weird.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Okay. Whatever. We’re here.
Trinkett:
We are?... Whoa.
We hear the sound of bubbling mud.
Steve:
What is it, what are we looking at?
Trinkett:
It’s mud. It’s bubbling.
Real Dirt Fairy:
This is the first trace of actual dirt you’ll see. There’s a lava tube melting a glacier nearby. It makes a river of mud under the city.
Steve:
I don’t think this is what we had in mind, Dirt Fairy.
Real Dirt Fairy:
You wanted dirt, you got it. I didn’t say it was going to be dry.
Steve:
I don’t know about this, Trinkett.
Trinkett:
Um... should be fine.
Steve:
What, you’re going to get in there?
Trinkett:
Yeah. You know, back home rich people would pay a lot of money for something like this.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Oh yeah? Rich people are stupid.
Trinkett:
Okay... okay let’s do this. Anything dangerous in there?
Real Dirt Fairy:
No. Just good clean mud.
Trinkett:
Might be kind of nice.
Steve:
Are you sure there’s no mud alligators in there or something?
Real Dirt Fairy:
What’s a mud alligator?
Steve:
It’s uh... it’s a thing I just made up in my head.
Real Dirt Fairy:
No, there are no things you made up in your head in there.
Trinkett:
Steve, it’s probably good you can’t see anything.
Steve:
Why?
Trinkett:
Because I should probably get naked.
Steve:
What?
Trinkett:
Yeah... yeah, it’s probably for the best.
Steve:
How is that possible?
Trinkett:
Steve, come one. What exactly was this peasant skirt going to protect me from anyway?
Real Dirt Fairy:
I’ve seem some crazy shit in this city. This may take the cake.
Trinkett:
Thank you... okay... here we go... I better get in the witches hall of fame for this shit.
Up on the surface, doug and Celeste are sitting in the Jeep watching aliens walk by.
Celeste:
... The people watching here is amazing.
Doug:
I can’t stop looking at them.
Celeste:
... Okay, that one there. What’s her story?
Doug:
Oh, uh, okay... That’s... Starblaze Burnbright.
Celeste:
Nice.
Doug:
She’s a princess of a planet called... Jo... Josuasion.
Celeste:
I like it.
Doug:
She’s on the run.
Celeste:
Uh oh.
Doug:
She’s being chased by a bounty hunter known as the Crandyman.
Celeste:
I love it.
Doug:
How about those two?
Celeste:
Okay... well, that’s Dirty Diaper Fuss Butt and the Piggy Runt.
Doug:
Okay.
Celeste:
They used to have their own TV show called “A Gremlin with the Munchies.”
Doug:
Sounds like fun.
Celeste:
The little one had a catch phrase he would say every episode.
Doug:
Oh my God, what is it?
Celeste:
“It’s not rocket surgery!”
Eldin:
(In Doug’s phone.) Hello, you two.
Celeste:
... Hello.
Doug:
Hello.
Eldin:
What are we up to today?
Celeste:
Just... going for a drive.
Doug:
Going for a drive.
Eldin:
Really? Whereabouts?
Celeste:
You know... over the hills and dales.
Eldin:
The hills and dales.
Doug:
Hills and dales is... correct.
Eldin:
... How long shall we sit here and pretend I don’t know your location?
Celeste:
A little bit longer would be great.
Eldin:
Sergeant, what are you doing in the city?
Celeste:
We have... we have given ourselves an assignment.
Eldin:
I see. Why?
Doug:
Eldin we... we felt a little bit antsy in town, so we decided to do something.
Eldin:
Did you consider a board game? Perhaps Jenga?
Doug:
Steve and Trinkett had an idea.
Eldin:
Can we move past the phase where people have ideas?
Doug:
It might be a good one.
Eldin:
Any idea might be a good one, Doug.
Celeste:
Trinkett thinks that if she can get underneath the city she’ll be able to tell where those poor people are that we saw in the video.
Eldin:
I see. Trinkett’s trying to get underneath the city so that she can send out some sort of mushroom radar ping, is that it?
Celeste:
Sounds simple enough to me.
Doug:
It’s not rocket surgery!
They both stifle their laughter.
Eldin:
Alright. Carry on. Get back as soon as you can.
Celeste:
We’ll be bringing our friend, Starblaze Burnbright, is that okay?
Eldin:
What?
We move to the sheep’s eye, the door opens and Leif and Verge walk in.
Verge:
Hello, there.
Deidre:
Hey, Baby.
Frank:
Hello.
June:
Hello.
Leif:
Why is June on the floor?
Frank:
She tried walking today.
June:
It was a terrible mistake.
Frank:
What’s going on?
Verge:
Please hold your judgment until after I’m done.
Frank:
... Okay.
Verge:
... Wow, this actually feels really strange.
Frank:
What does?
Verge:
Uh... I’m not... I’m not a freedom fighter, Frank. I’ve never been out there fighting the good fight. I survive, try and find some quiet moments, I don’t stick around... And then, suddenly I got stuck, suddenly there was something very sticky.
Deidre:
They’re talking about me, I’m the sticky part.
Verge:
She’s very sticky.
June:
Guys, don’t be adorable right now, I already want to puke.
Verge:
Sorry... I’ve always just looked out for myself. And I can’t do that anymore... And, honestly it’s not just about the hot girl you have behind the bar. It’s about all of you... You all accepted me. Protected me. Frank, you rode a spaceship into orbit to save me... You have no idea how strange that feels... And lately that’s made me wonder. If I found a home, if this impossible thing happened, then what else is possible? What else did I call impossible without actually knowing if it was?
Frank:
Verge, listen-
Verge:
There may be a way to get the prisoners out.
Frank:
... Okay.
Verge:
... I keep waiting for you to do the Frank thing where you tell everybody to shut up.
Frank:
Just keep talking.
Verge:
Okay... It involves something a bit unconventional.
Frank:
It would almost have to.
June:
Is David Blaine going to make them disappear?
Verge:
You guys really need to stop using random Earth Names, I never understand what you’re talking about.
Frank:
What’s the unconventional plan?
Verge:
Well, I think it would be great if Leif explained it to you.
Leif:
Seriously? Fuck you.
Verge:
Go ahead.
Leif:
No.
Verge:
Go ahead.
Leif:
You really trust me to sell this?
Frank:
Leif, come on, what is it?
Leif:
Fine... It’s called the True Trans Traveler.
Deidre:
What is that?
Leif:
Santa Claus.
Verge:
Leif.
Leif:
It is.
Frank:
What is the True Trans Traveler?
Leif:
... Okay... there’s a lot of stories out there in the Triad. Nobody believes all of them and some of them hardly anyone believes. One of those stories is the True Trans Traveler. It’s a ship... As the legend goes, if there’s ever a situation where a large group of people are in trouble... Natural disaster, war, environmental collapse... The legend says that sometimes in those situations, the True Trans Traveler appears. It’s a gigantic ship that appears out of nowhere and is completely undetectable when it travels.
Frank:
And you don’t think it exists.
Leif:
Very few people do. We have a name for those people.
Verge:
Watch it, buddy.
Leif:
It’s a fairy tale, Frank. It’s a story you tell kids so they won’t be afraid.
Frank:
Verge seems to be talking about this ship like it’s an actual viable option.
Leif:
I know, and it’s really fucking with my head.
Frank:
It does sound a little too good to be true.
Leif:
It does. You know what else sounded too good to be true? A galaxy called Cryptessia. People would fantasize about a galaxy called Cryptessia, where there’s no Ted Empire and no galactic crime lords. I’ve told you all already what Cryptessia actually is. That’s what believing in myths like this can get you.
Verge:
I’ve heard tons of stories about this ship. They can’t all be fairy tales.
Leif:
How many stories have you guys heard about Sasquatch? They can’t all be fairy tales, right?
June:
Totally saw a Sasquatch one time.
Frank:
No, you didn’t.
Verge:
Six thousand people on Lex-Icon. A meteor strike collapses their environment, they had maybe a week left of habitability. Where did they go? Nobody knows.
Leif:
That’s one story.
Verge:
You can hear stories like this on Geneva Boss, Chance Reighard station... The Mother of Pearl was about to get sucked into a magnetar then suddenly, poof.
Leif:
I hear the pilot’s name is Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman.
Verge:
Fuck off.
Leif:
I hear the mess hall sells existential pancakes.
Frank:
Verge, you don’t have tons of convincing evidence here.
Verge:
Okay, look. I may have some intel on this. There’s a whole network of people out there who look at deep scanning data and try and look for traces of the True Trans Traveler. I got in touch with an old contact and they gave me three hot spots where I could wait for the True Trans Traveler and try to send a message. One of those hot spots isn’t far from here.
Deidre:
Uh, honey?
Verge:
It’ll be okay.
Frank:
This doesn’t sound like much of a plan, Verge.
Verge:
It’s not a plan yet.
June:
You know what we need right now? Everyone’s being too nice. We need a real asshole in this conversation.
Leif:
I’m sorry, am I being too nice? I can be worse.
June:
You’re a little too squishy, Leif. We need King Jackass in here.
Frank:
What are you talking about?
Eldin:
She’s talking about me.
June:
All hail the king.
Eldin:
I think one thing is fundamentally clear: Verge doesn't listen to me, despite what I say. In light of that, anything I have to say in this room will be ignored. In terms of the True Trans Traveler, here are the facts. Does it have all of the hallmarks of a folk tale? Yes, it does.
Leif:
Thank you.
Eldin:
There is, however, one distinct difference. Tales and vague reports of the True Trans Traveler are more prevalent than you would expect from some sort of myth in the forest. There are also unexplained reports across the Triad, and they all have a certain similarity. People will show up after a disaster, expecting piles of bodies, and they will simply not be there. As if they were magically whisked away.
Leif:
That’s pretty thin.
Eldin:
It's exceedingly thin, Leif. But let us look at what Verge is actually asking. Are they asking us to go all in on some sort of galactic folktale? No, they are not. All they are simply asking is to take a few days, go to a particular spot in this galaxy quite nearby, and wait. If Verge returns from this little excursion with no new information, then we're back where we started. Do I have opinions of this plan? Oh, you bet your sweet bippy I do. However, I must say, Verge is approaching a very thin, as you say, solution with a very responsible attitude. My take on this issue is the following: Verge and myself will go to these designated coordinates. We will wait for a satisfactory amount of time. If no contact is made, we return and go back to the drawing board. This is my official pronouncement as King Jackass.
June:
Well, from down here it sounds great. I say we go for it.
Verge:
What do you say, Frank?
Eldin:
... Frank, what I will say is that after we all viewed that footage of the slave encampment, everyone in Hood's Pocket except for Mr. Grumpy over there is feeling a particular way about it, and is now exploring ways where something can be done. This does of course include you, Frank.
Frank:
... How long?
Verge:
Just a few days.
Frank:
... No funny business.
Verge:
Who me?
June:
Meeting adjourned! Frank, pick me up.
Frank:
No.
June:
Bastard!
Deidre:
Hey. Kind of freaking out.
Verge:
I know, babe. But when we decided to do this, did we think it was going to be safe?
Deidre:
I know.
Verge:
These coordinates have a shelf life. I need to go gas up the hot rod.
Deidre:
... I love you.
Verge:
I love you. Come here.
They kiss.
Verge:
I’ll bring you back a space rock.
Verge exits.
Eldin:
Frank, with Verge and myself gone, we’ll take the network with us, you won’t be able to hear my voice for a few days.
Frank:
Jesus Christ, Eldin, you should’ve led with that.
June:
Parents are out of town, let’s party!
Later that night. Frank emerges from his office and goes down to knock on June’s door.
June:
(Behind the door.) Come in!
Frank walks into June’s room.
Frank:
Hi.
June:
Hello!
Frank:
Hey I just wanted to say, uh, thank you for... What are you wearing?
June:
What?
Frank:
What is this?
June:
It’s Wednesday.
Frank:
What does that mean?
June:
It means it’s Wednesday.
Frank:
What?
June:
Do you forget literally everything I tell you?
Frank:
I try to.
June:
My boyfriend, you know, he’s a bit of an anachronism.
Frank:
To say the least.
June:
But I want to be supportive, so on Wednesday nights I, y’know, play along.
Frank:
Play along.
June:
Yeah, I put on a little outfit and I play along.
Frank:
Good god.
June:
Do you want to know what my name is?
Frank:
Not at all.
June:
Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars.
Frank:
Didn’t need to know that at all.
June:
What’s up? What do you need?
Frank:
Nothing I just wanted to... Thanks.... For today, for... I’m glad you’re here.
June:
I know you are, Dummy. Where would you be without me?
Frank:
With a working motel staff probably.
June:
Boring.
Frank:
Goodnight.
June:
Goodnight.
Frank:
You could barely walk today, you’re really going to wear those boots all night?
June:
A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. Besides... they’ll be in the air most of the night anyway.
Frank:
Oh God.
June:
Because of the sex, Frank.
Frank:
No, thank you!
June:
Because of all the sex I’ll be having!
Frank closes the door.
Frank:
There’s a ruined night.
Frank heads back to his office when celeste’s jeep pulls up.
Trinkett:
Frank!
Frank:
Hey.
Trinkett gets out of the jeep and walks up to frank.
Trinkett:
Frank.
Frank:
What are you covered in?
Trinkett:
Mud.
Frank:
Mud?
Trinkett:
Frank... I fucking found them.
We move to the sheep’s eye. It’s a slow night and Deidre is smoking on the steps. Leif walks by.
Deidre:
Hey.
Leif:
Hey.
Deidre:
What’s going on?
Leif:
Nothing, just going for a walk. I didn’t know you smoked.
Deidre:
I don’t really. Only when Verge is gone.
Leif:
You two are pretty ridiculous.
Deidre:
I know.
Leif:
Slow night?
Deidre:
It always feels like a slow night when June’s out of town.
Leif:
Where is she?
Deidre:
Over at Tarvok’s.
Leif:
Right... wait is his name Tarvok or Tavrok?
Deidre:
Oh. Right. He changed his name a while back.
Leif:
I figured.
Deidre:
But then we all kept fucking it up, so now he just answers to both.
Leif:
I see. Well, I can definitely relate to that.
Deidre:
You’re just out for a walk?
Leif:
Yeah.
Deidre:
Is this what you do when you’re worried?
Leif:
Not normally, but I used to live in a diner. Wasn't a lot of room to take walks. But you guys have all kinds of room, so yeah, I guess this is what I do now.
Deidre:
I’m sure Verge is going to be fine.
Leif:
That's not what I'm worried about.
Deidre:
You're still worried about the plan.
Leif:
It's not a plan, Deidre.
Deidre:
You really don't think something like the True Trans Traveler can exist, huh?
Leif:
No. I think it’s ridiculous.
Deidre:
Okay... so, 1865. Jules Verne writes From the Earth to the Moon.
Leif:
Yeah?
Deidre:
I bet it sounded pretty ridiculous at the time.
Leif:
Sure.
Deidre:
And then a hundred years later, we were standing on the moon.
Leif:
That's pretty cute, Deidre, but I'm afraid it just doesn't sell it to me.
Deidre:
Sell it to me, then.
Leif:
What do you mean?
Deidre:
I keep hearing about this big brain of yours, so take it out for a spin. You explain to me how the True Trans Traveler could exist.
Leif:
It can't.
Deidre:
Give it a shot. Have you got something else to do tonight?
Leif:
You want me to come up with a theoretical True Trans Traveler?
Deidre:
If anyone can do it, it's you, right?
Leif:
... Fine... The True Trans Traveler is apparently a very large ship that can't be detected... The main way you detect a ship in deep space is through its drive plume, the fire coming out the back of the ship. So to be undetectable, you need to not have a drive plume. So how does something not have a drive plume? It's pretty impossible. You could use a solar sail. Solar sails are great. They're very efficient. You feel like Errol Flynn. But even though the acceleration is near infinite, it’s also incredibly slow acceleration, and it's not a viable way to travel through space. So... then I guess you could think about an anti-matter engine. Nobody uses anti-matter engines. They're very expensive and they're very slow. It's the equivalent to a hot air balloon in the Triad. They're slow because of particle scatter. It's incredibly hard to focus the force out the back of the ship. You get energy dispersed in a particle scatter from the engine, and it...
Deidre:
Uh oh.
Leif:
You eventually get a cloud of particulates that surrounds your ship...
Deidre:
... Is this what it sounds like when you have an epiphany?
Leif:
It's not an epiphany.
Deidre:
What is it, then?
Leif:
I mean, I guess if you took an anti-matter engine and you deliberately jacked up the particle scatter, the ship would go even slower. But you would be surrounded by a cloud of particulates... Deep space scanners are an automated system. They automatically dismiss natural objects. Natural objects like asteroids and comets... Comets that are always surrounded by a cloud of particulates.
Deidre:
Sounds like we're getting warmer.
Leif:
I suppose you could, possibly, orchestrate an anti-matter engine that deliberately covers you in a cloud of particulates, getting automated systems to dismiss you as a comet.
Deidre:
Really?
Leif:
Theoretically, Deidre, theoretically. It's just a theory.
Deidre:
So is gravity.
Leif:
... It’s a fairy tale, Deidre.
Deidre:
Maybe a little less so now though, right?
Leif:
... That was very sneaky of you.
Deidre:
Verge said sometimes you're so smart that you outsmart yourself.
Leif:
Yeah.
Deidre:
Come in. Have a beer.
Leif:
... Alright.
Deep space. Verge and eldin wait.
Verge:
I’m surprised you let me do this.
Eldin:
I can’t control what you do.
Verge:
You have your ways though.
Eldin:
I could see which way the wind was blowing. Better to help everyone find the best way to do this than try and convince them not to do it.
Verge:
You think this is the best way of doing things?
Eldin:
Verge, of course it isn’t. The True Trans Traveler doesn’t exist.
Verge:
Then what am I doing out here?
Eldin:
In intractable situations, it’s better for people to feel like they’re doing something, even if what they’re doing is fruitless. Back on Earth, at the advent of the atomic age, school children would do drills. An alarm would sound and they would all get under their desks. Getting under their desks to protect themselves from a thermonuclear blast. Fruitless. But I'm sure it felt good to do.
Verge:
You’ve got no imagination, Eldin.
Eldin:
Of course I don’t have an imagination, I’m a fucking computer.
Verge:
... Do you think I was too hard on him?
Eldin:
Leif?
Verge:
Yes.
Eldin:
Hard to say... Throughout history in the Triad horrific weapons normally aren’t made by war mongers they’re made by people like Leif. People who simply cannot resist the pull of one thought leading to the next. Despite how horrific the outcome they seem carried along like a thread pulled by a needle. Emblematic of that fact, it’s the second doomsday device he’s made in his lifetime. First the Ted Slayer, now the Cowcatcher... But you were right not to turn him away.
Verge:
I don’t know.
Eldin:
There’s something I observe in him, in all humans really but with him it’s very pronounced. They need each other, humans. They languish on their own. Their soul arises from naturally evolving communities, rather than from isolated individual reasoning. Without each other they become disoriented, lost. They call it communitarianism, the Vapians called it Vishesh Vaial, “The Mind of the Many.”... which you would know if you knew anything about your culture.
Verge:
My culture consists of Vapis Ten’s big black gaping hole.
Eldin:
Vapis lives, Verge.
Verge:
...
Eldin:
... Contact 218.
Verge:
Where? I don’t see anything.
Eldin:
Nor do I. Performing diagnostic... Nothing... Probably nothing.
just off of Verge's bow a massive ship shimmers into existence. As the gigantic ship flies past them, We can hear it playing dance music. It rumbles past them and into the darkness.
Eldin:
Motherfucker.
The end.
No next episode