Welcome to the Horizon
2.4: A Business Meeting
We hear the sound of a distant club coming through the walls. The door slides open and Steve walks through, being led by two guards.
Steve:
Thanks, fellas.
The guards leave steve alone in the room.
Steve:
Alright... pretty fancy.
Steve wanders around the room, over to a large terrarium. He starts tapping on the glass.
Steve:
Hey there, little guy. What’s your name?
Whatever the thing is in terrarium suddenly leaps at the glass and hisses.
Steve:
Whoa! Sorry... just trying to say hello.
A door slides open and a robot waitress enters.
Steve:
Hey there.
Robot Waitress:
Good evening. Please enjoy a beverage.
Steve:
Alright. Well, thank you very much.
Steve takes the drink off of the tray.
Robot Waitress:
Let me know if you need anything else.
Steve:
I will.
The robot waitress exits.
Steve:
Not bad...
A door slides open and Minsky walks through.
Minsky:
Good evening, I hope you haven’t been waiting long.
Steve:
No, I just walked in.
Minsky:
I don’t get here to Raxius very often, so when I do, I have all sorts of messes to clear up when I arrive. I’m sure you understand.
Steve:
Of course.
Minsky:
I see you’ve gotten a drink, wonderful.
Steve:
Pretty cool robot.
Minsky:
Yes, you know, my employer and I, we go back and forth on this. He prefers to work with organic assets but I’ve found robots to be much more reliable. Limited in scope, sure, but much less room for error. Do you ever use them?
Steve:
Who, me? Oh, no... it’s the upkeep for me, right?
Minsky:
Oh I hear you, the maintenance costs are considerable. Steve, is it?
Steve:
That’s me.
Minsky:
I’m glad we’re meeting. I must say, I really enjoy what you’ve put together up in the mountains. It’s exactly what Raxius needs. I’m kicking myself that I didn’t think of it. A mountain getaway. Of course. And making it immersive in the Earth experience? Really a stroke of genius.
Steve:
Thank you.
Minsky:
So, I don’t know how keyed in to things you are up in the mountains, but Raxius is due for some reorganization these days. It’s such a mess. I really wanted to put together some meetings with local entrepreneurs. Not just anyone, the ones who are doing it right. I want to meet with people and find a way forward for this whole city— really for the whole quadrant— you understand.
Steve:
I’ll admit it is pretty crazy around here.
Minsky:
Too crazy. It wasn’t always this way. The city was at its strongest when it was controlled by a single entity. These days? All these gang factions? Can you even keep track of them?
Steve:
I’m very confused by it.
Minsky:
I’ve got a map up here that I’m working on, but then the territory changes every day, I don’t how people do business in this chaos. Look, I’ve got Postmaster General Kwan up north controlling the ports, Byro the Muthufuggin Dragon controlling the chemical pits. Just the other day, a new one popped up controlling the flop dens: Ghostblade Heidolon. Seriously, where do they get these names? Then, in the middle of all that, the worst of them all: Felicia. Add to that about a hundred minor players, how am I supposed to do business?
Steve:
It’s a miracle you can get anything done.
Minsky:
It really is. Anyway, I could go on all day, but that’s not what I want this meeting to be about. I hope you have some time to spare this evening. I’d love for us to meet some people, make a few stops.
Steve:
Sounds great.
Minsky:
Wonderful.
A door slides open and Sluggo and francis walk in.
Minsky:
These are my associates, Sluggo and Francis.
Francis:
Hey there!
Sluggo:
How’re doing?
Steve:
Uh, hey y’all.
Minsky:
Boys, Steve and myself are going to be taking some meetings across the city today. Let’s make the arrangements.
Sluggo:
No problem, Boss.
Minsky:
Oh my God. You have to forgive me. I’ve been so excited about this meeting that I didn’t even introduce myself.
Steve:
Don’t worry about it.
Minsky:
My name’s Minsky. Nice to meet you.
We move back to hood’s pocket. Frank and trinkett are finishing another movie.
Trinkett:
Wow...
Frank:
Yeah.
Trinkett:
That was intense.
Frank:
Uh huh.
Trinkett:
... I can’t believe Darth Vader was his father.
Frank:
Yeah. Yeah, it’s surprising.
Trinkett:
There’s so much going on in this story emotionally.
Frank:
So much.
Trinkett:
And, oh my God, Yoda?
Frank:
Yoda.
Trinkett:
Amazing character.
Frank:
Yeah, I figured you’d like him.
Trinkett:
Oh my god.
Frank:
What?
Trinkett:
Luke lost his arm.
Frank:
I mean-
Trinkett:
Just like Leif did.
Frank:
He lost his hand.
Trinkett:
Still.
Frank:
There’s a big difference between an arm and a hand.
Trinkett:
And it was replaced my a mechanical thing.
Frank:
Uh huh.
Trinkett:
Wow.
Frank:
Maybe we don’t have to read that much into it.
Trinkett:
I don’t know, Frank. There are a lot of parallels.
Frank:
The wheels are going to come right off this wagon as soon as you meet the Ewoks.
Trinkett:
Who are the Ewoks?
Frank:
Oh, you’ll see. Is there any tea left?
Trinkett:
Yeah, sure.
Frank pours some tea.
Frank:
... The tea tastes better.
Trinkett:
Good.
Frank:
What did you put in it?
Trinkett:
Nothing, you’re just getting used to it... This place is going to be different.
Frank:
This planet we’re on?
Trinkett:
Yes. We’ve stopped at two places thus far, this is our third. But this place will be different from the others, I think.
Frank:
Steve has turned us into an alien theme park, it’s definitely going to be different.
Trinkett:
Our last two stops were just the preamble. It’s like we needed time to get used to everything. Now that we are, there’s going to be a lot more to do on this stop. There’s a whole lot going on out there... I think we’re on a mission, Frank. I really do. We’re pretty new at this but we’ve stepped into something very, very old. We’re going to need to be ready.
Frank:
Ready how?
Trinkett:
I don’t know.
Frank:
...
Trinkett:
Yes, I know how frustrating that is.
Frank:
It’s pretty frustrating.
Trinkett:
We need to be ready, that’s how I feel.
Frank:
Trinkett, I don’t want to get ready for anything.
Trinkett:
I know... what?
Frank:
... You never drink the tea.
Trinkett:
... No.
Frank:
Why?
Trinkett:
I really shouldn’t.
Frank:
... Goddamn it.
Trinkett:
What?
Frank:
Goddamn it, Trinkett.
Trinkett:
What?
Frank:
What’s in the tea, Trinkett?
Trinkett:
Mandrake.
Frank:
And what is that?
Trinkett:
Well, first of all, before we get into this... I started offering you tea, which is a ridiculous thing to offer you. And you started drinking it without much protest, and I think that’s a real victory.
Frank:
Trinkett.
Trinkett:
I’ve got a lot of stuff in here, as you can see. Lots of jars and bottles, lots of lotions and potions.
Frank:
And?
Trinkett:
And in that tea cup, that’s my atom bomb. There’s nothing more powerful than Mandrake. It’s basically poison.
Frank:
... Poison.
Trinkett:
Yeah. I have to handle it with gloves, it’s intense.
Frank:
I’ve been... How long have I been drinking this?
Trinkett:
A while.
Frank:
It’s poison.
Trinkett:
For people, sure.
Frank:
... What is it doing to me?
Trinkett:
You look forward to drinking it, right? You complain about it, but you stopped drinking coffee in the morning, and now you drink this? You come by every morning.
Frank:
I’m going back to coffee now.
Trinkett:
You know, every morning I get up and I say, “As the Earth holds me. As the Sky sees me. As the sun rises within me. I step out to greet the day...” The Earth isn’t here anymore, the sky is a different sky, and that’s not the sun that any of us grew up with. So, how do I get my bearings? Do you know how much of the stuff I do revolves around the moon? The moon’s gone... But... I gave you Mandrake root tea and you really loved it.
Frank:
I don’t see what that proves.
Trinkett:
Mandrake is connected to the oldest parts of the universe, all the way back to the beginning. I don’t know what you are, Frank, but turns out you’re connected to that as well. You’re of the same stuff, you and that poisonous root. So of course you like it. I was worried that I was going to loose my bearings so far away from my centers of power. But right when I get too worried, the eldritch forces give me a little ass-pat and say, “You’re doing a great job, kiddo.”
Frank:
I’ve now officially spent too much time with you.
Trinkett:
Oh, c’mon.
Frank:
“Oh c’mon?” I’ve been drinking poison.
Trinkett:
Again, poison for someone else. Not you.
Frank:
I really need less of our conversations to go this way.
Trinkett:
I know.
Frank:
And I need you to tell me next time you’re feeding me poison.
Trinkett:
I will.
Frank:
Let’s operate in a way that sounds less like an Enya song.
Trinkett:
Frank, do you remember when we had a whole conversation about a comet heading for the Earth, and you thought I was crazy?
Frank:
Yes.
Trinkett:
Okay. I want you to know that I really apologize for us being in a place where I’m right all the time.
Frank:
That has yet to be established.
Trinkett:
Something is coming and we need to be ready. One of the things I’ve been doing to get us ready is make you the tea.
Frank:
The poisonous tea.
Trinkett:
Frank, everything’s poisonous to somebody. This isn’t poison for you.
Frank:
... I hate this so much, Trinkett.
Trinkett:
I know.
Frank:
I want to read the paper in the morning, get mad about it, do whatever needs doing all day, then watch The Trailblazers make some stupid mistakes, have a beer, and go to sleep.
Trinkett:
The only thing missing from that list is the Trailblazers, Frank. And sleep. You don’t do that anymore.
Frank:
I want to live on quiet mountain!
Trinkett:
It’s quiet sometimes.
Frank:
When there’s not friggin spaceships flying overhead!
Trinkett:
I’m not in charge of the universe, Frank!
Frank:
Stop giving me poisoned tea!
Trinkett:
Fine!
Frank:
...
Trinkett:
... Leif and Verge are waiting for you over at the Sheep’s Eye.
Frank:
And stop doing that. Stop telling me things that are happening!
Trinkett:
You’re always asking me about what’s happening!
Frank:
Well I want you to stop now!
Trinkett:
Fine!
Frank:
...
Trinkett:
...
Frank:
... I have to go.
Trinkett:
Frank.
Frank walks out. we move to minsky’s hover lounge, cruising through the city.
Steve:
Sweet ride.
Minsky:
It’ll do. I have a much better hover lounge in my ship, but I don’t like to bring it down here. There’s a certain grime that this city puts on things. I don’t like to sully my finer things when I come here.
We hear a thump and a scream of the hover lounge hitting a pedestrian.
Steve:
What was that?
Minsky:
Don’t worry about it. So, I feel like you haven’t seen a lot of the city with you being all the way out in the mountains. There’s some people I’d love for you to meet.
Steve:
Sounds great.
Minsky:
I find that people here in Raxius are very resistant to new ideas. Has that been your experience?
Steve:
Constantly.
Minsky:
How many people told you you were crazy for setting up Earthland?
Steve:
They’re always calling me crazy. But hey, look at me. I’m here in this fine vehicle with you, how crazy am I now?
Minsky:
I like that attitude. You can’t pay attention to naysayers.
Steve:
Exactly.
Minsky:
You know what? I’m going to take a few business meetings while were out. I’d love for you to sit in— I’d really appreciate your perspective.
Steve:
I’d love to help out however I can.
Minsky:
Lovely. Sluggo, let’s swing by Land of Felines.
Sluggo:
You got it, boss.
Minsky:
Let’s have some drinks, shall we?
Steve:
I thought you’d never ask.
We move to the sheep’s eye.
Eldin:
So that entire time, you told no one about your history as a criminal?
Leif:
Not the whole time. It was easy at first, at first it was just me and this guy Caspar. Caspar didn’t ask a lot of questions. Then Ava came along and she asked a LOT of questions, but luckily she ignores you if she thinks you’re an idiot. Maybe the Mucklewains knew, but they never said anything. Then there was Gloria, and that’s when things started to change.
Eldin:
Change how?
Leif:
I don’t know. It was... nice. It started to feel like home, kind of. Then an older version of me showed up and tried to get me to leave. And then an even older version of me showed up and Ava started asking questions. Even then, I didn’t tell her the whole story... Then we encountered this wreck of an old Sigian ship, and I had to sit there and act like I didn’t know what Sigius was. So, I was working my way up to telling them everything, but then we were raided by the Teds and I had to threaten them with a Purple Nullifier. At that point, everybody started to get pretty suspicious.
Eldin:
What was the ship?
Leif:
The ship? I don’t know, I barely recognized it. It was really old, pre-warp gate. If the ship’s AI hadn’t have said it was from Sigius, I probably wouldn’t have known.
Eldin:
The AI survived?
Leif:
Yeah, some sort of system called a Boofar system.
Eldin:
... A Boofar system.
Leif:
Yeah. What?
Eldin:
You don’t remember the name of the ship?
Leif:
No. What?
Eldin:
I need you to tell me literally anything else you can remember about this ship.
Leif:
Why?
Eldin:
Indulge me.
Leif:
Uh, it was a deep space exploration mission... The Captain’s name was like, Charon Gonger?
Eldin:
Therin Jonger?
Leif:
Maybe.
Eldin:
... Are you fucking kidding me?
Leif:
What?
Eldin:
Are you fucking kidding me?
Leif:
What?
Eldin:
It was the wreck of the Vargan, Leif.
Leif:
That sounds familiar.
Eldin:
Familiar?!
Leif:
Why are you freaking out right now?
Eldin:
Maybe because the wreck of the Vargan would be the most important historical artifact in the history of Sigius.
Leif:
Okay, how was I supposed to know that?
Eldin:
Because BertBert explained it to you!
Leif:
How do you know BertBert explained it to me?
Eldin:
What the fuck do you think she was talking into when she explained it to you?!
Bertbert:
(In Leif’s phone.) anyway... VARGAN DAY, Leif. Three intrepid souls many many years ago: Therin Jonger, Eliak Seers, and Lowan Regan. Remember those names. At the dawning of the Original Coalition they left the planet on a ship called The Vargan. It was the first mission of its kind. An open ended one. They were to set out into Andromeda and send back data on the wider universe, and keep doing so until they exhausted all their resources... They never returned.
Leif:
... Oh, right.
Eldin:
Right. Please tell me you saved something, anything.
Leif:
The Boofar unit was really damaged, but we did save it.
Eldin:
Good.
Leif:
And then I used it to make an AVA suit.
Eldin:
A what?
Leif:
It was an emergency.
Eldin:
You are so lucky that I don’t have articulating arms right now.
Leif:
Hey, in my defense, she was always leaving me messages like that. I was basically her diary. I’m supposed to remember all of them?
Eldin:
No, just that one.
Leif:
Sorry to disappoint.
Verge approaches wearing an Earthsuit.
Verge:
Hello, what are we yelling about?
Leif:
Uh, hey listen, we’re actually waiting for someone.
Verge:
It’s me, dummy.
Leif:
What? Oh, shit.
Verge:
This is my Earthsuit. What do you think?
Leif:
You look great. Very European.
Verge:
I get that a lot. What’s going on in Europe? Are people looking stylish and sexy all the time?
Leif:
In our minds? Yes.
Frank has arrived.
Frank:
Hello.
Eldin:
Good evening, Frank.
Frank:
It’s been an annoying night. Can we get this over-with, please?
Verge:
Nice to see you, too.
June pulls up a chair.
June:
Crashing the party!
Frank:
And it’s getting worse.
June:
What are we talking about?
Frank:
Leif’s evil twin.
June:
His whaaat?
Leif:
He’s not an evil twin.
June:
His. What?
Verge:
There’s an evil version of Leif out there.
June:
HIS WHAT?
Frank:
June-
June suddenly get up and walks away from the table.
Verge:
Where is she going?
Frank:
She’s coming back.
June walks back to the table.
June:
Are all of you shitting me?
Leif:
No.
June:
Evil twins now?
Leif:
He’s not a twin.
June:
Have I died and gone to sci-fi heaven? What is happening?
Leif:
He’s me, in an alternate universe.
June:
Really?
Leif:
Yes.
June:
Okay well... I think we all know what my next question is going to be.
Leif:
No, he doesn’t have a goatee.
June:
Are you sure? Have you seen him?
Leif:
No.
June:
There could be a goatee, you don’t know.
Leif:
Okay, I guess there could be.
June:
See?
Verge:
What the fuck is she talking about?
Leif:
It’s an earth thing.
Verge:
It’s an Earth thing for evil people to have goatees?
Leif:
No, it’s from-
June:
No, no. Don’t explain it. You’ll ruin it.
Eldin:
I’ll give literally anything to have the conversation move forward.
Frank:
Seconded.
June:
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, go ahead. So awesome.
Leif:
Okay, look. In this universe, I’m a VERY bad guy. And we did come very close to letting him know that I’m here, but Eldin and I covered our tracks pretty well.
Frank:
Great.
Verge:
But even if he didn’t, we’re still pretty safe from evil Leif.
June:
We need a better name for him.
Eldin:
No, we don’t.
Frank:
Why don’t I feel safer?
Verge:
It’s kind of a contradiction.
June:
Anti-Leif?
Eldin:
Stop it.
Leif:
We’re in the Iron Quadrant right now, which is dangerous, but it is safe from the rest of the Triad.
Frank:
How?
Verge:
There’s only one warp gate going in and out of the Iron Quadrant.
June:
What’s Leif backward?
Verge:
If this other Leif came through the warp gate and the Ted Empire found out, they’d park their entire navy on the other side of the warp gate and wait.
June:
Fiel? No.
Leif:
Now, that doesn’t protect us completely.
Verge:
It doesn’t.
June:
Nega-Leif.
Eldin:
June.
Leif:
He could send proxies.
Frank:
Proxies?
Leif:
There’s a rogue’s gallery of shitheads he could send after me, depending on what approach he wants to take.
Verge:
But, that’ll only happen if he finds out that there’s a new Leif in town.
Leif:
And again, we’ve covered our tracks pretty well.
June:
Wait... everyone be here with me... Dark Leif.
Eldin:
Congratulations, you’ve found it.
Frank:
Okay. So, you’re telling me that everything’s going to be fine.
Leif:
That’s what we’re telling you.
Frank:
Good. Good, this is exactly what I want. I want people telling me that everything is fine and that I don’t have to do anything. More news like this, please.
Verge:
Permission to go flirt with my girlfriend?
Frank:
Granted.
June:
Permission to call Frank a seventy-seven year old man since he turned twenty five?
Frank:
Denied.
Leif:
I’m done, too?
Eldin:
I’m afraid not, Leif. There’s something else that you should be made aware of.
Leif:
Okay.
Frank:
Come over here.
Eldin:
Before we left our origin universe, we were alerted to something very strange.
Frank:
It’s here.
Leif:
That painting.
Eldin:
This is a painting of Macon Peppercorns, the founder of Hood’s Pocket.
Leif:
Macon what?
Eldin:
I know, it’s ridiculous. The point isn’t the painting, though, it’s what’s behind it. Frank, would you mind removing the painting?
Leif:
... A hole?
Eldin:
Through the hole, Leif.
Leif:
... What is that?
Eldin:
The one building that has been here since the town’s foundation is this one. The Sheep’s Eye. It appears that this entire building was built around a pre-existing metal frame.
Leif:
Wait a minute.
Eldin:
Yes, it’s what you think it is.
Leif:
That’s Arvium.
Eldin:
It is.
Leif:
This entire building is built around an Arvium frame?
Eldin:
It is. It’s why we were able to survive a meteor swarm.
Leif:
... What the fuck?
Frank:
Explain the significance of this stuff again?
Leif:
Arvium is the strongest stuff out there, but it’s almost impossible to manipulate.
Eldin:
Almost.
Leif:
Yeah, I know somebody who can, though.
Eldin:
As do I.
Leif:
... Fucking Urts.
Eldin:
Exactly. If you look at a scan of the whole frame on my screen you can see it has many of the hallmarks of Urt craftsmanship.
Leif:
What the hell are they doing here?
Eldin:
No idea.
Leif:
There’s an Urt Door at the diner.
Eldin:
There is?
Leif:
Yeah, it’s in the deep freeze.
Eldin:
In your deep freeze, there’s an Urt door?
Leif:
The deep freeze is a dimensional portal to an ice planet and there’s an Urt door there.
Eldin:
The what is a what to a what?
Leif:
I know.
Eldin:
What’s the relationship between these things and the Urts?
Leif:
No idea.
Eldin:
They couldn’t have constructed them.
Leif:
... No, I don’t think so.
Frank:
Okay, let’s move this over to Trinkett’s.
Eldin:
Good idea.
Leif:
What does she have to do with this?
Eldin:
Before we started traveling, Trinkett had some very vivid visions of the history of this place. I discounted them at first, but considering whatever is going on inside of her body, perhaps they warrant another look.
Leif:
Okay. So I go talk to Trinkett now?
Eldin:
Correct.
Leif:
That’s what I’m doing today?
Eldin:
Yes. What?
Leif:
Nothing. This job is way more chill than my other job.
Eldin:
Enjoy.
Leif:
Frank, are you coming?
Frank:
Oh no, I’ve had plenty of Trinkett for one night, thanks.
Eldin:
Deidre will come with you. She’s well versed in the history of this place, she may be of some help.
Leif:
Okay.
Eldin:
Frank, what’s going on with you and Trinkett?
Frank:
She’s been poisoning me.
Eldin:
I don’t think it’s possible to poison you.
Frank:
That hasn’t stopped her from trying.
Eldin:
Whatever. This’ll give us the opportunity to address something else.
Frank:
What?
Eldin:
It’s about Celeste.
Frank:
Great. What now?
Leif:
Hey, Deidre.
Deidre:
Hey. I hear we’re supposed to have a playdate at Trinkett’s?
Leif:
Yeah, I guess so.
Deidre:
Let me get my notebook.
Leif:
Okay... Notebook?
Verge:
She’s got this little notebook where she writes down interesting things about history.
Leif:
That’s pretty adorable.
Verge:
Turns out, it’s like the hottest fucking thing in the world. But don’t tell her I said that.
Leif:
You know, you being in love is really ruining your mysterious drifter aesthetic.
Verge:
I know. I’m going to have to figure out a whole new persona.
Deidre:
Okay, let’s go.
Verge:
Talk about me the whole time, please.
Deidre:
Whatever you say, sweetie.
June:
Hey, Space friend. Did you hear? We’re on special assignment.
Verge:
Do tell.
June:
We’re going to over to Celeste’s house.
Verge:
Why?
June:
Eldin won’t tell us until we get there. Something about privacy or whatever.
Verge:
He’s so old fashioned.
June:
Right? I’m getting us to-go cups!
We move to Minsky’s hover lounge, cruising through the city.
Minsky:
Sluggo, pull up to the next corner and wait.
Sluggo:
Sure thing, boss.
Minsky:
This meeting is going to be a pick up. I need to get a bit of intelligence before the next meeting. This is going to be The Real Dirt Fairy. They’re an information peddler, best in the city. Try not to let the smell throw you.
Steve:
The smell?
Minsky:
They use the sewage tunnels under the city to get into a lot of restricted places, so there’s a bit of a smell. It doesn’t bother me much. Reminds me of home, right?
Steve:
I grew up downwind from a paper mill, I know all about it.
Minsky:
Great. Just go with the flow.
The door slides open and The Real Dirt Fairy climbs inside as the hover lounge starts traveling again.
Real Dirt Fairy:
... Minsky.
Minsky:
How are things in the city?
Real Dirt Fairy:
Word’s gotten out that you’re in town.
Minsky:
That’s understandable.
Real Dirt Fairy:
The locals aren’t too happy about it.
Minsky:
That’s also understandable.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Every time you’re in town, everyone speculates that your boss is making a move in the Iron Quadrant.
Minsky:
Why would we want to do that? We have so many relationships here, there’s no need to put those at risk.
Real Dirt Fairy:
They know that part— you say that every time you come here. They worry about your employer.
Minsky:
I’ve assured my employer that the best way forward in Raxius is to have a mutually beneficial relationship with all parties. Seizing a controlling stake in Raxius would cause a lot of chaos, and isn’t there enough chaos out here already?
Real Dirt Fairy:
Is that really true?
Minsky:
Of course not. But that’s the rumor I need you to circulate.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Alright, I can do that. You guys want to give me a heads up before you start burning the city to the ground?
Minsky:
Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. I think the local bosses here in Raxius will come to their senses. Nobody wants a mess.
Steve:
Mind if I jump in here?
Minsky:
Not at all. Dirty Fairy, this is my associate Steve. He’s got a very exciting startup just outside of the city. I’ve asked him to sit in on this meeting.
Steve:
Nice to meet you. First off, let me say, the smell hardly bothers me at all.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Gee, thanks.
Steve:
If it were me, I’d think about circulating the rumor that everything’s going to be fine— but then also circulate the rumor that everything’s about to go to hell in a hand-basket.
Minsky:
Really? Why is that?
Steve:
Create some confusion out there. Some anxiety. If people don’t know how to feel about what’s coming, then they’ll have a harder time preparing for it.
Minsky:
I like it. Dirt Fairy, put both out there. Tell half the people we’re not interested in Raxius, then tell the other half that we have every intention of taking over the whole city. That ought to keep them guessing.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Okay, if you say so.
Minsky:
Sluggo, pull off here.
Sluggo:
You got it, Boss.
Real Dirt Fairy:
If you don’t mind me asking...
Minsky:
Please.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Your boss controls everything else in the Triad— that’s three galaxies all to himself. What could he get out of controlling the Iron Quadrant?
Minsky:
Yes. Pretty fascinating. There’s a particular psychology in powerful people, isn’t there? If you have almost everything, that one thing you can’t have becomes an obsession. Even if it’s something you don’t need.
Real Dirt Fairy:
Sounds pretty fucked up to me. I think I’ll stick to the sewers.
Minsky:
To each their own.
The real dirt fairy exits the hover lounge.
Minsky:
Alright... now we’re ready for a business meeting.
We move to Trinkett’s shop. Trinkett is meditating on the floor as leif and deidre wait.
Leif:
... What are we doing?
Deidre:
She’s been doing this lately. She goes into this trance, I guess? Where things start talking to her.
Leif:
What things are talking to her?
Deidre:
I don’t know.
Leif:
... Like, household objects are talking to her?
Deidre:
I don’t think so.
Leif:
... Well good, because that would be weird.
Deidre:
Right?
Trinkett:
... Hey, guys.
Leif:
Welcome back.
Trinkett:
Leif... Leif, I’m glad you’re here.
Leif:
Okay.
Trinkett:
I want you to know I’ve been watching Star Wars.
Leif:
... Great.
Trinkett:
So many things going on, but we can talk about it later.
Leif:
Okay.
Trinkett:
It’s time for us to talk about the mountain?
Deidre:
Yeah, we just showed Leif the big metal thing that the Sheep’s Eye is built on top of.
Trinkett:
Great. What did you think?
Leif:
I think it’s insane. I have no idea what’s going on.
Trinkett:
That’s great, I love that.
Deidre:
We figured it was time to talk about that vision you had of the mountain.
Trinkett:
Right, okay. Leif, what do you know about ancient China?
Leif:
Uh, nothing.
Trinkett:
Okay. So. We discovered this stone tablet in the Glade of Wishes, and it had Chinese characters on it.
Leif:
Weird.
Deidre:
According to Eldin they’re ancient Chinese. A few thousand years ago.
Leif:
Weirder.
Deidre:
I’ve got the translated message here: “I will finally return from the mountain, though I have changed as much as the land around me. The mountain will be found again, the mountain will be lost again. Forever.”
Trinkett:
What does that sound like to you?
Leif:
That sounds like a guy who’s trapped on a traveling mountain.
Deidre:
Apparently, it was from a guy name Xu Fu. Xu Fu is one of those guys who’s a combination of history and myth. Apparently, the emperor of China sent him on a quest to find the secret to immortality that was hidden on a mystical mountain.
Trinkett:
Tell him the thing about the turtle monster.
Leif:
The what?
Deidre:
Right. So, apparently Xu Fu set off on his quest— but then he came back and said to the emperor that he needed archers, because there was this big turtle sea monster blocking his way, and he had to kill it first.
Trinkett:
And the emperor was like, “Sure, checks out.”
Leif:
Must be nice to be the emperor. But what does that have to do with anything?
Trinkett:
My first vision was of Chinese soldiers.
Deidre:
Eldin said they were from the 2nd century BCE.
Trinkett:
Which is apparently when Xu Fu was alive.
Leif:
Interesting.
Trinkett:
Ooh, come next door.
Leif:
What?
Trinkett walks out the door and they follow.
Trinkett:
So, Doug is a bird guy.
Leif:
That’s not surprising.
Deidre:
He’s got a little journal and everything.
They walk inside the shop and go.
Trinkett:
Hey, Doug.
Doug:
Oh, hey guys.
Trinkett:
Doug, tell Leif about the bird.
Doug:
The bird.
Trinkett:
You were up the mountain and you kept hearing a bird.
Doug:
Oh, yeah. I’ve been here most of my life, and I know what the birds are supposed to sound like. But I kept hearing one in particular that I couldn’t place. Every once and a while, not all the time. I wrote it off as my imagination for a while, but one day I couldn’t take it anymore, and I really dove into some research.
Leif:
Okay?
Doug:
I still haven’t seen one, but the only match I could make to the sound was a Wallcreeper.
Leif:
Cool. And that means?
Doug:
They’re not from Oregon.
Trinkett:
Guess where they’re from?
Leif:
China?
Trinkett:
Yep.
Deidre:
Weird right?
Leif:
Well, we’re on a mountain that travels through the cosmos so it’s not at the top of the list, but...
Trinkett:
But it’s interesting.
Leif:
Sure.
Trinkett:
Okay, that’s all. Thanks Doug!
Doug:
Okay, bye.
Leif:
Good job with the bird thing.
Doug:
Thanks.
They walk back out and back into Trinett’s place.
Trinkett:
In my vision, these Chinese soldiers were here in Hood’s Pocket. But there wasn’t a town here... just the big metal thing that turned into the Sheep’s Eye.
Deidre:
Historians think that the mountain that Xu Fu was looking for was probably Mt. Fuji.
Leif:
But according to your vision, Xu Fu wound up here?
Trinkett:
Right. And then I had another vision.
Deidre:
Of my great-great-great grandfather Macon Peppercorns.
Leif:
The guy in the painting.
Deidre:
Right.
Trinkett:
He was also making his way through the woods, and he also saw the big metal thing.
Leif:
Okay. So when did the big metal thing become the Sheep’s Eye?
Deidre:
Well my grandpa told me that Macon built the Sheep’s Eye, but he also used to say something weird. Apparently, he used to say “I didn’t found Hood’s Pocket... I found it.”
Leif:
This is wild.
Deidre:
Right?
Leif:
Okay. So, according to your visions, whatever the Sheep’s Eye is has been here for a long time.
Trinkett:
Yes.
Deidre:
But you’re saying you know who built it?
Trinkett:
You do?
Leif:
I think I do. The Urts.
Trinkett:
Okay, cool. What’s their deal?
Leif:
The Urts? Urt is a planet here in Andromeda. They’re amazing with technology, their innovations-
Trinkett:
No, no. I mean, what’s their deeeeeeal?
Leif:
Uh, how do you mean?
Trinkett:
I’m trying to get down to the essence. What’s their energy like?
Leif:
Their energy?
Trinkett:
Forget the technology stuff. Tell me something else about them.
Leif:
Okay. Uh... well, there’s this one thing, but I’m not great with biology. Eldin?
Eldin:
What?
Leif:
What’s that thing with the Urts? How they’re different from other life forms in the Triad?
Eldin:
The Urts are a slightly anomalous race in The Triad.
Leif:
Why?
Eldin:
Despite their diversity, organisms native to The Triad all pass genetic information via DNA or RNA, like Earthlings. The exception to this is Urt, whose indigenous races use Peptide Nucleic Acid, PNA. It’s a small change, but it is odd that this evolution only occurred on one planet in three galaxies. Even more curious, the flora and fauna on the planet of Urt also employ DNA or RNA, making the Urts different even from their own native plants and animals. There doesn’t appear to be any predominant theory for why this occurred.
Trinkett:
... They don’t know where they came from.
Deidre:
Are we saying that these Urt guys built... all of this?
Leif:
No. No, I don’t think so. That metal structure is built like a bivouac— it’s a shelter. If they built this place, why would they then put a shelter on it? It’s inelegant, and the Urts don’t do inelegant. What makes this more interesting, is that there’s also an Urt construct where I’m from on the diner.
Trinkett:
So, they’ve been there too?
Leif:
I guess so.
Trinkett:
Hmmm... what’s this all about, Leif?
Leif:
Trinkett, I swear to God I’ve been asking myself that question for years.
Trinkett:
No, I mean, what’s it all of it about? Where are we going to? What’s the big question? What are we working toward?
Leif:
I don’t know how to answer that... At first I was just happy to not be on the run anymore. Then came the Teds, then Clementine, now Krok. I’ve just been trying to stay alive and keep everyone else alive. I haven’t had time for big questions.
Trinkett:
I hear you. But I want you to think about something. I want you to think about the very core of all things, think about everything before there was everything. Somewhere from deep in the heart of the spirit of the universe, a message is always being sent. We never listen, because we’re too busy staying alive. What is that message? What is it saying to us?
Leif:
... I don’t know.
Trinkett:
I don’t either.
Leif:
... Should we smoke some weed?
Deidre:
What?
Trinkett:
Yes... Yes, I think that’s a good idea.
We move to a basement deep in the heart of raxius, an iron door slides open.
Minsky:
This way.
Steve:
Uh, this is where the business meeting is happening?
Minsky:
Sometimes I like to have my meetings in the open air— a busy casino, a cafe, something like that. But then sometimes it’s important to keep prying eyes out of the equation. You need an extra level of honesty, you understand.
Steve:
Sure, yeah. Sure.
Minsky:
Sluggo, go ahead and bring him in.
Sluggo:
Sure thing, boss.
Sluggo opens another sliding door and drags an alien, gagged and bound to a chair, into the room. The alien is trying to say something underneath the gag but we can’t understand him.
Steve:
What the hell?
Minsky:
Steve, I’d like to introduce you to Captain Ducky. Just “Ducky” to his friends. This is who we’re meeting with today. Hello there, Captain. I apologize for the less than palatable surroundings. It’s awful down here, isn’t it? But I thought it was important that we meet somewhere we couldn’t be disturbed. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I brought you down here so that no one would hear you screaming. That is, of course, 100% true, but it wasn’t just for that. There’s a certain sanctity to a one on one meeting, Captain. It lets people know how important they are to you. And you, Captain, are very important to me... Now, you’ve already met Sluggo, he’s the one who knocked you unconscious and tied you to a chair. You’ve already met my associate, Steve. Now I want you to meet someone else. Say hello, Francis.
Francis:
Pleased to meet you, Captain Ducky.
Minsky:
You may be wondering what Francis’s purpose is. He doesn’t look like a thug bot, does he? Well, it’s interesting. He’s not. When I first saw Francis, he was a Kitchen bot. Slaving away in a casino kitchen, chopping up vegetables with all of those lovely knives he has all over his hands. I saw something in Francis that others couldn’t see. He had so much more potential. Long story short: I now can’t go anywhere without him. Isn’t that right, Francis?
Francis:
It’s been a wild ride, Boss.
Minsky:
Turns out a bot with spinning blades for hands really adds the level of intensity you’re looking for in a high-level meeting. So... What I want you to do is keep your eyes on Francis and all of those incredibly sharp knives, and answer for me one very simple question: Have you, Captain Ducky, been trying to unite the gang factions of Raxius under one banner? You’ve got a secret code name for this little group, don’t you? Some sort of Earth reference to throw people off the trail. Sluggo, what was it again?
Sluggo:
Sanctuary Moon’s #2 Fans.
Minsky:
Right. Whatever the hell that means... How about it, Captain? Are you trying to consolidate power so that you can challenge my employer in the open market?
Captain ducky shouts from underneath his gag but can’t be understood.
Minsky:
I’m sorry I... I can’t quite understand what you’re saying. Can you speak a little clearer?... I’m sorry, one more time?... I’m still not getting it. Sluggo, anything?
Sluggo:
Can’t understand a word, Boss.
Minsky:
Hm... well that’s a shame... I was really hoping we were going to be able to make some headway in this meeting. But you can’t let these things slow you down, can you Steve?
Steve:
I, uh...
Minsky:
New projects can so often get mired down with too many cooks in the kitchen, isn’t that right? So... let’s move on to new business... Francis?
Francis’S bladed hands begin to spin like two radial saws. Francis slowly advances on captain ducky as he screams into his gag.
We move to celeste’s house. Celeste has company.
Celeste:
... A7.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Once again, you have sunk my Battleship.
Celeste:
Really?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I had no idea you were so adept at maritime warfare.
Celeste:
I have many skills, Slabz.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
As I am learning.
Celeste:
More wine?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Please.
Celeste:
This has... This has been really nice.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Agreed. I have been surprised by your willingness to engage in intimate acts with me.
Celeste:
I... have to.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Because of the spikes protruding from my body.
Celeste:
Yes.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
There are many of them.
Celeste:
I noticed.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
The ones on my shoulders are poisonous.
Celeste:
I’m sorry?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Fear not. I always travel with antidote.
Celeste:
Good.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
May we have more wine while you once again teach me your salsa dancing.
Celeste:
I’d love to.
There is a knock on celeste’s door
Celeste:
Uh...
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Are you expecting visitors?
Celeste:
No.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Shall I charge my weapon?
Celeste:
No.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
It is very deadly.
Celeste:
Just give me one second okay?
Celeste rushes to the front door and opens it.
Celeste:
June.
June:
You’re fucking an alien?
Celeste instantly closes the door.
Celeste:
Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
June:
(From the other side of the door.) Celeste... Open the door, you dirty bird.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Do we have company?
Celeste:
Uh, kind of.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I had no idea our relationship had gotten to that level.
Celeste:
It’s not like that.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I am not complaining.
Celeste:
I might be.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Slabz Mc Terpz enjoys going public with his fornication partners.
Celeste:
Slabz, give me just one second, okay?
Celeste opens the door and walks out onto the porch.
Celeste:
... Good evening.
June:
Oh, hi.
Verge:
Hey, Celeste.
Celeste:
Can I help you?
June:
Celeste, what in the fucking fuck is going on?
Celeste:
I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.
June:
Who’s in there?
Celeste:
That’s private. That’s an invasion of my privacy.
June:
“That’s an invasion of my privacy,” says the woman who was eavesdropping on the whole town for years from a secret military base.
Celeste:
That’s not the same thing.
Eldin:
Sergeant, we have no desire to invade your privacy. But when I compiled some information and realized exactly who you were secretly spending time with, I made a judgment call to check in.
Verge:
Well, now we have to know who’s in there.
Celeste:
It’s... his name is Slabz Mc Terpz.
Verge:
Oh, no fucking way.
June:
The spiky guy?
Verge:
Amazing.
June:
Huge spikes all over his body?
Eldin:
Slabz Mc Terpz is a rather dangerous mercenary, Sergeant. I wanted to be sure your were all right.
June:
He’s a dangerous mercenary?
Celeste:
Now, he is the leader of a dangerous mercenary army. I feel that’s an important distinction.
June:
No, it’s not.
Eldin:
He has quite a reputation. Are you sure this is the best course of action?
Celeste:
Okay. Is he famous for being a mass murderer? Yes. Should he also be famous for being a great listener? Also yes.
June:
Okay, look. We’re not here to be the nookie police, Celeste, but good god, how does that even work sexually? He’s got spikes all over his body.
Celeste:
... They’re not all over his body.
June:
Sweet Jesus, woman.
Verge:
Love finds a way, I guess.
Eldin:
Sergeant, this is certainly an invasive move on our part, but I’m sure you understand the concern.
Celeste:
I do, and look... Do I feel uncomfortable about it? Yes. Does he carry around a huge cannon that he calls “Disco Inferno?” Also yes. Can this cannon level an entire building? Apparently... But he’s a real sweetie, guys.
Verge:
I’m going to go talk to him.
Celeste:
Verge, please don’t.
Verge:
Don’t worry about it. I’ll deactivate my earthsuit and we’ll talk alien-to-alien. It’ll be fine. I’ll make sure you’re not in any danger, okay?
Celeste:
Verge-
Verge walks inside celeste’s house.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Hello. Who might you be?
Verge deactivates their earthsuit.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Well, cover me in sulfur mollusks. Verge.
Verge:
How’ve you been, Slabzy?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Death has yet to find me.
Verge:
Same here.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I have heard tales that you’d fallen into a Quasar.
Verge:
Only emotionally.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
This pleases me. My men still tell the tale of how you navigated the red storms to deliver sustenance in our time of need.
Verge:
Every good mercenary needs a good smuggler.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
And I’ve found no replacement since your absence.
Verge:
Technically I’m still absent. I’m out of the game now.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Out of the game, and yet here on Rax Prime?
Verge:
It can’t be helped... There’s a girl.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Ah. An excellent reason to tempt the fates.
Verge:
Sure... Hey, speaking of the fates. I came back from nowhere to find that I’ve got a pretty hefty bounty on my head. Whatever did I do?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Much has changed in the Triad. Låfftrax was powerful, but undisciplined. This new regime brings with it a steely resolve and a strange obsession. The bounty placed on you is not simply “hefty,” as you say. It is the largest bounty ever placed.
Verge:
Someone wants me dead that bad?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I call it an obsession. An obsession, because of the bounty’s conditions. You must be taken alive or not at all. And if anyone in the Triad were to take your life, the bounty then moves to their head.
Verge:
Well, it’s always nice to be wanted.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Again. An obsession.
Verge:
... You’re not thinking of getting into the bounty game, are you, Slabz?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Bounty hunting is the gruel of cowards. My enemy is on the battlefield or not at all.
Verge:
I figured. Keep it under your hat that you ran into me, okay?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
Of course. And may I say, between the two of us... Earthlings.
Verge:
Right?
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I am astounded.
Verge:
Tell me about it.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
I am ruined for other races.
Verge:
I can’t explain it.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
My body burns to the the tips of my spikes.
Verge:
Yeah... yeah, I am ruined.
Slabz Mc Terpz:
... You are a rare commodity in the world, Verge. Guard yourself thusly.
Verge:
... Keep your head on a swivel, Slabzy.
Verge walks out as we move to minsky’s hover lounge cruising through the city.
Minsky:
I really do hate when it has to get messy like that... Such a waste, this city. So many squandered opportunities. They’ll have to come around eventually. It can’t be this way forever... It strikes a particular cord with me, being here. Reminds me of home... I come from a place even worse than this. A place that is truly a mistake... begging for a meteor strike, my home planet. I had to claw my way out of it. But everything is a lesson. The lesson I learned on my home planet was that chaos breeds chaos, it spins outward. The world must be reined in or all that’s left is blood and fear... We’ll get there someday, right?
Steve:
Yeah... yeah, sure.
Minsky:
So, now that we’ve taken care of business, we can get to the fun part: the future.
Steve:
The future?
Minsky:
That’s right. Unbeknownst to the powers that be here on Rax Prime, I’ve been working on a little pet project of my own. A whole new business model, something that’s going to open up a whole new revenue stream for my employer. I’ve been working on it for years. I’m excited to show it to you.
Sluggo:
We’re here, boss.
Minsky:
Excellent, let’s have a look. Right this way, Steve.
They exit the hover lounge and walk down a long, empty passageway.
Minsky:
The eternal question is: what’s the next resource? Everything burns out eventually. You smuggle technology, but technology becomes outdated. You deliver the intoxicant du jour, and then along comes the next designer drug. My employer and I have been working on developing the next great resource in the Triad, and I think we’ve found it. Let’s have a look, shall we?
A massive door begins to slide open as we move back to Hood’s pocket as Frank walks into the shop and go.
Doug:
Evening, Frank.
Frank:
Hey, Doug.
Doug:
What can I do for you?
Frank:
I’m going to have some coffee.
Doug:
I thought you were off coffee.
Frank:
I’m coming back. I miss coffee. It’s normal. Predictable. Not secretly poison. Don’t even know why I left.
Doug:
Welcome back.
Frank pours some coffee.
Frank:
What are you reading?
Doug:
Oh, Eldin sent me some reading material on the Ashlesaurus.
Frank:
That’s the big lizard thing in your backyard?
Doug:
I think it’s more like a salamander.
Frank:
Anything interesting?
Doug:
Well, it’s a big alien salamander, so, yes, there are some interesting things in here. It has a gland in its nose that can detect the gravitational pull of surrounding moons.
Frank:
Why would something need to do that?
Doug:
Navigation, I guess. Also it’s a species that underwent, uh... “secondary adaptation.” So, over the course of millions of years, it learned how to live on land. And then, after all that, it readapted for aquatic life. I guess life on land wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Frank:
Interesting.
Doug:
... You okay, Frank?
Frank:
... Doug I came in here for something normal and we’re talking about giant space salamanders.
Doug:
Sorry... We’re the same way, y’know?
Frank:
What do you mean?
Doug:
I graduated from high school, went through all the trouble of joining the navy... and then after I was done. I wound up right back here. You did the same thing. Went to Tacoma, got your carpenter’s license, fixed up houses for a while... ended up right back here... I guess life on land wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Frank:
Yeah... I liked it when it was predictable.
Doug:
I did too. But there’s a giant salamander in my backyard now, so... may as well get to reading.
Leif, trinkett, and Deidre walk in.
Leif:
Greetings.
Trinkett:
Hello.
Deidre:
Hi.
Leif:
We have come for snacks.
Deidre:
Mini-donuts, please.
Leif:
Barkeep, please give me your finest Takis. Preferably limited edition Blue Heat.
Doug:
Aisle 3.
Leif:
Fantastic. Frank, how are you doing?
Frank:
Fine. I thought you guys were on a very important mission from Eldin?
Leif:
We’re on a break.
Deidre:
(In the donut section.) Hostess Donettes, motherfuckers.
Frank:
Have you figured anything out?
Leif:
No. Wait! Yes. Trinkett.
Trinkett:
What?
Leif:
I’ve figured you out.
Trinkett:
You have?
Leif:
I think so.
Trinkett:
Lay it on me.
Leif:
Okay. This is going to sound weird, but I had this friend one time who was a tree.
Trinkett:
Leif, that doesn’t sound weird at all. I have all sorts of friends who are trees.
Leif:
Right, but this one actually talked and walked around.
Trinkett:
Cool.
Leif:
They said that when they stood on the ground, they could feel the mycelial network under the ground, talking to them.
Trinkett:
Dude.
Frank:
What’s a mycelial network?
Leif:
When you see a mushroom, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The big part of it is under the ground.
Deidre:
Wait, I know this. The biggest mushroom network ever was back in Oregon. It was four square miles, and it may have been eight thousand years old. Also, who made the donuts harder to open?
Leif:
Like that, that’s what I’m talking about.
Trinkett:
Okay. What does that have to do with me?
Leif:
What is your body full of?
Trinkett:
... Fucking mushrooms.
Leif:
Right.
Trinkett:
... So the mushrooms in the ground, are talking to the mushrooms in my body, and my body mushrooms are talking to my brain?
Leif:
Maybe.
Deidre:
Oh my God, Trinkett, what are they saying?
Trinkett:
I have no idea.
Frank:
This is what you’ve come up with?
Leif:
We have many things that we’re working on.
Trinkett:
So many things.
Leif:
Irons in the fire.
Deidre:
I wrote them down in my book. Which is somewhere.
Frank:
Okay, great work everyone. Amazing job. Have a good night.
Trinkett:
Frank, wait. Frank, wait. Frank... wait.
Frank:
... I’m waiting.
Trinkett:
Hold please, I forgot what I was about to say.
Deidre:
(This line is completely obscured by the fact that Deidre has four mini-donuts shoved in her mouth at the same time.) Leif, do you think that Trinkett has weird visions because of the mushrooms?
Leif:
It’s so crazy that I can understand every word you’re saying right now.
Trinkett:
Okay... I’m sorry... I totally wasn’t poisoning you, but I’m sorry for poisoning you.
Frank:
... It’s fine.
Trinkett:
It was an experiment at first. But then you really started to like the tea, so I kept making it.
Frank:
Trinkett, people don’t experiment on each other.
Trinkett:
I know. You’re right. My curiosity got the better of me. I’m very sorry.
Frank:
I’m not a thing for you to play with.
Trinkett:
Frank, I know. I’m really mortified. And now I’m worried that you’re not going to come over and watch movies with me... because... it’s important. It’s important to me.
Frank:
... Well, we can’t just stop at Empire Strikes Back.
Trinkett:
Right?
Frank:
You really have to watch all of them.
Trinkett:
I want to.
Frank:
So that your enthusiasm for the first two can be completely ruined.
Trinkett:
I’m looking forward to it.
Leif:
Hey, Frank. Trinkett told me you’re watching Star Wars because of me, and I just want to make it known that I’m not a Star Wars guy, okay? I actually have legit issues with the whole franchise, if you want to hear my thoughts.
Frank:
No, thank you.
Deidre:
Frank can hear your thoughts?
Verge:
(In Deidre’s phone.) Hey, baby?
Deidre:
Verge, hiiiiiiiiii.
Verge:
What are you doing?
Deidre:
We’re at the shop and go, and it’s very bright in here.
Verge:
Are you smoking the fun stuff, honey?
Deidre:
Trinkett made me do it.
Verge:
I’m sure she did.
Deidre:
I think it’s so great that you have four arms, because you’re going to have to carry me home, because the ground... I don’t know baby, the ground feels weird.
Verge:
Okay.
Deidre:
And it’s apparently talking to Trinkett.
Verge:
Honey, is there someone there who isn’t high?
Doug:
Hi, Verge.
Verge:
Hello, Doug.
Doug:
What’s up?
Verge:
So, it’s probably nothing, but there’s a suspicious vehicle headed towards the town right now.
Doug:
Uh oh.
Verge:
Probably nothing to worry about, but do us a favor and make yourselves scarce in there. Let’s see if it just passes through, okay?
Doug:
Okay.
Frank:
What is this now?
Verge:
Probably nothing, Frank.
Doug:
Guys, come get behind the counter with me, okay?
Leif:
Verge, what’s the vehicle?
Verge:
It’s a hover lounge.
Leif:
Okay.
Frank:
What is that?
Leif:
It’s a limo, basically. Whoever it is, it’s not your average bar patron.
Frank:
Remember when I said I just wanted to be a guy on a mountain, complaining about sports?
Leif:
Yeah, I know man. But honestly? Cruising through the cosmos on a place like this? Good luck with that.
Trinkett:
Frank?
Frank:
What?
Trinkett:
... Steve.
We move to outside the sheep’s eye. The hover lounge pulls up, opens its door, lets steve out, and starts to drive away.
Steve:
Okay... see ya’...
As soon as the hover lounge is out of sight, steve’s breathing becomes very short and he starts to panic. He falls to the ground breathing heavily.
Steve:
Oh my god... oh my god...
The door to the shop and go opens and frank comes out.
Frank:
Steve? Steve what’s going on?
Steve:
Frank...
Frank:
Steve, try and slow down your breathing, your going to pass out.
Steve:
Frank... there’s...
Frank:
What?
Steve:
... Slaves... thousands of them.
The end
No next episode