We're currently in beta! If you find any mistakes in the scripts, please copy the link and send it to
issues@podscripts.app so we can fix it.
Eldin:
Because of the peptides... Interesting bit: apparently if they milk the cow at night, the night milk works even better to help them sleep... Which raises the question, is the milk working better or are they just more exhausted from milking a cow at night?
Eldin:
It started as a survival technique. They almost killed themselves about thirteen thousand years ago. They ate almost all the animals on the planet and had to hurry up and figure out how to stay alive. One of those ways was drinking the milk of other animals.
Eldin:
It’s more common than you think... The first animals that humans drank the milk of were most likely sheep and goats, as well as aurochs, the ancestors of the modern cow.
Eldin:
I would, but somebody, not saying who, disabled my emotional discourse protocols, so in times like these when you’re pacing around the room like a caged animal, all I have are milk facts.
Eldin:
Verge. You went over to that woman’s house the other day. It was supposed to be something embarrassing and ridiculous.
Eldin:
It was, but that’s not all it was... Would you like a readout of your vital signs during that encounter?...
Eldin:
Not normally, no. You have a highly acute stress response in your neural clusters that keeps you calm when you’re in danger. However, you are not in danger... And I’m sure you’re saying to yourself “How can I be calm in a firefight and not here, outside of this bar, on a backwater planet?” Well... You ironically do not have the protection of a dangerous situation.
Eldin:
I’ve abandoned that line to conserve processing power. Do you have any idea how many calculations I’m making on a second by second basis?
The door to the sheep’s eye flings open and music and laughing spills out, though it’s not the usual music and laughing we’ve come to expect. Deidre walks out with a crate full of empty bottles and puts them down outside.
Deidre:
Is everything okay... During prohibition rich people bought cabins in the woods where they could go and drink and party and not be bothered by the police.... That was uh... about a hundred years ago.
Deidre:
Them... From a hundred years ago, they’re here... A bunch of rich people from the city a hundred years ago are having a party at the Sheep’s Eye right now... I was hoping that they were some sort of group of historical re-enacters but, they’re too good... It’s happening. There are Flappers in the building. They’re asking for bath tub gin, this is happening.
Deidre:
I’ve been trying really hard to keep my head screwed on these past few weeks. I’ve been trying to be everyone’s island of normalcy in the middle of all this and it’s getting really fucking hard, dude.
Deidre:
I know. I almost did about an hour ago but... I guess it’s my island of normalcy too... I’ve smoked your entire cigarette, I’m sorry.
Verge:
Let me help, we’ll get behind the bar, we’ll serve some drinks to people who are dead now and we’ll call it a night.
They walk in the front door of the Sheep’s eye and jazz music comes blaring out. People are laughing and dancing and drinking.
Deidre:
It’s been like this for hours, I keep waiting for people to get tired. Have you ever bartended before?
Verge:
(To the crowd.) Okay Cats and Kittens, listen up. Please give me your drink orders and I will then ignore your drink order and make you whatever the fuck I want, are we clear?... Excellent. You, sir, are getting whiskey. (To Deidre.) How’s that?
Verge:
You live in a town of 600 people. Everybody knows you. Look around, nobody knows you right now.
They drink again. The music swells and we move later in the night. Outside the Sheep’s Eye, the door flings open.
Deidre:
I don’t know. It was a depressing time, people were drinking too much, some bible-thumpers got a hold of the reins and all of sudden you couldn’t have a drink anymore.
Verge:
A friend told me about it... Long time ago actually, one of those things that you ignore for a long time and then suddenly, one day... You’d be surprised. There’s not a lot of places like this. Out of the way. Hidden. Eyes are never on it. Most people pass through it and never notice... You can be yourself.
Deidre:
I mean, look around. My grandfather calls me a repeat offender. I kept leaving town to start my life and after a couple of years I would either get bored or fail miserably and then end up back here. Tending bar at The Sheep’s Eye. But then the other day I was talking to Frank and he thanked me for staying, when a bunch of people were leaving. He thanked me. And I had this moment where I said “Wait. Am I serving a purpose here? Am I actually contributing something positive to the world? Here? In Hood’s Pocket? The place I was always trying to get away from?” But then right before that I had this other moment where I said “Hey... wait a minute... is the hot, mysterious stranger flirting with me?”... Am I actually being seen? And it’s all happening right here. The place I was always trying to get away from. It all just showed up in my backyard. So my usual guidebook is out the window now. My life is unrecognizable.
Verge:
It’s a tactic. Preemptive flirting. You flirt with someone way too early so they have to take a gut check right at the beginning to see if they’re up for it. Keeps me from wasting time on people.
They kiss and the music swells (SHut up, you know you love it!). We Hear crickets and nightbirds as we transition to deidre’s house. Deidre’s truck pulls up to the house and they get out. Deidre climbs to the top of the porch steps and turns.
Deidre:
Absolutely not... Y’know what, I’m a new person tonight so I’ll say it right now: I’m making you pancakes in the morning.
Verge:
Then I guess I’ll have to keep her distracted. Besides, when the clothes start coming off for the first time does anyone ever really know what they’re getting?
Verge begins to walk into the house. At the last moment we hear a sonic boom in the sky. A flock of birds take off from a nearby tree. Verge stops at the front door.
Eldin:
... Yes. Whoever they are, they’ll probably head for the Horizon, but this is the more defensible position.
Verge:
Whoever you are. Welcome to Earth. Let’s speed this up, shall we? You can find me at this signal. See you soon.
Deidre:
I tried out several alluring poses on the bed but then opted for completely covering my entire body in a huge comforter, what do you think?
Verge:
The reason why I don’t stay anywhere for long is because I’m... people hunt me. I’m... I’m a dangerous person and your life is in danger, I’d tell you to get out of the house but it’s too late.
Verge walks to the front of the house while drawing their gun and adjusting the settings. They walk out onto the porch.
Verge:
What’s a Vapian got to do to get laid in this world, Eldin?... Deploy a sensor dome. Let’s get this over with.
Verge grabs eldin and shuts the front door. We move to the perspective of the three science priests as they approach the house.
Acolyte 23:
It has grown arrogant. Lazy. It thinks the danger has passed, but it does not know that the Temple of Enlightenment never forgets.
Acolyte 11:
It was the cause of the collapse of our temple, the murdering of our predecessors. It is our most sought enemy. And to kill it, the One-Hundredth sends the three of us. We are being led into a trap or this is nothing at all.
Acolyte 11 walks toward the house and slowly climbs the steps of the porch. We hear him charge at the door and kick it open. Inside the house we hear him.
The acolytes open fire with rapid-fire plasma guns. We hear the glass and wood of deidre’s house getting shredded. AFter several rounds, the firing stops and all is quiet. We hear Verge scream in pain inside the house.
Verge:
(Obviously injured.) You know... I’ve never really understood you freaks... You rage against the dangers of technology while using technology ... what do you want exactly... you think you can get everyone to abandon technology and eat gruel in a temple somewhere... what then?... What do you do when you’ve got no one to demonize... no one to be scared of?... I think... on that day... when you’ve finally beaten the universe into submission... you’re all going to shit yourselves with fear... “The dog who caught the car.” That’s what they call it here on earth...
Verge:
Have we fully drank in the irony... that it was technology that brought you here to kill me?... Probably not, you’re not big on irony... I will say this... you may think that all this tech we all use is evil... but I like it... It gives me freedom... it gives me safety...
Verge leaps from the shadows. They cover the mouth of the acolyte with one hand and with the other hand they stab him with a knife again and again and again and again, He fires wildly with his gun, destroying more of the room until his body slumps to the ground.
Verge:
... I’ll give you one thing: sometimes the old ways are impossible to improve on. Like a knife to the abdomen. No way technology can improve on that.
Verge:
Are you free of regret?! Are you in a beautiful field full of flowers with your idiotic God? These are the last moments of your life, darling. I hope you feel the futility as the darkness creeps in... it’s the only way to go.
Verge bursts through the back door. The Acolyte fires and hits nothing. Verge fires and wounds him terribly. He screams and falls to the ground. Verge walks toward him.
Verge shoots him in the head. All is quiet except for the wind in the trees. Verge holsters their gun and breathes.
Eldin:
They all have explosive devices embedded under their skin. You’ve got about 30 seconds with these two.
Verge drags the bodies of the two Acolytes out into the front yard then re-enters the house. As soon as they’re inside we hear three small explosions in the front and back of the house.
Verge passes out on the floor. After a long moment we hear Deidre’s bare feet walk into the living room.
Eldin:
In sixteen minutes, Verge is going to die. You can save their life but you’ve got to listen to me.
Eldin:
We have to get Verge to their room at the Horizon. Pick me up. Put me in the pocket of your robe, then put Verge in your truck, you have to hurry.
Eldin:
Then focus on that and nothing else. Focus on that. Nothing else. I will explain everything once they’re safe... Deidre move!
We shift to verge’s room at the horizon. We hear the slow pulse of an electronic device. Deidre watches in silence for a while.
Eldin:
For the nano-surgeons to operate at peak efficiency there needs to be no interference from other technology.
Eldin:
Verge wears a device that disguises them. It’s called an Earthsuit. There’s a bracelet on their left wrist with a yellow button. You need to deactivate it.
Eldin:
... A long time ago your distant ancestors lived on a very warm and wet planet. It got to a point where walking on all fours wasn’t working anymore because sometimes you had to keep your head above the water... so you started walking on two feet. And that simple need led to the way you look right now... Verge’s planet was rocky and mountainous. So for them it was a complicated and high-tensile musculature, hollow bones to make them lighter while they climb... and more appendages. Two additional, lesser arms, further down the ribcage. Meant to cling to a cliff-face while you find the next foothold.
Eldin:
I’m not a “who”, I’m just a device. Not all that different from the phone you carry in your pocket.
Eldin:
They weren’t trying to kill you... The people of Moog see Verge as an Abomination. A freak. They pride themselves in eliminating people like Verge.
Eldin:
... I’ve noticed that you’re a student of history. In this region of your planet a law was passed in 1844. Can you tell me what it was?
Eldin:
... You have amazing imaginations, you Earthlings. The things you’re able to dream up, it’s a rarer trait than you think... You’ve imagined a great many things about worlds beyond your own... I must unfortunately report that much of what goes on above your head will be disappointingly familiar.
Eldin:
Deidre, the sun is almost up. You’ve had a very traumatic evening. June has gotten some of your belongings from your house and has set you up in room ten. You need to try and get some rest.
Eldin:
Frank has agreed to cover your shift at The Sheep’s Eye, which will be a disaster but on the plus side will be very entertaining.
Eldin:
I can’t believe I’m about to say this but... In fact, I was wrong... Those Science Priests would’ve tracked you down eventually anyway... and when they did you would’ve been alone. You weren’t alone. So you lived.
Eldin:
As you wish. I’ll connect to the nav matrix and start a unicorn search. It could take some time.